读完"那些年我们一起追的女孩"后， 我发现其实我和沈佳仪很像。
唯一不一样的是我不知道我会不会有个像坷腾一样那么爱沈佳仪的人。
一场美满的爱情是值得等待的。。。

Final exams are coming!!!!
JIAYOU huiying!
dont let anything be an obstacle and press on.
believe it and it will happen.

Life is not about grades, not about bids, but about how hard u try and whether ur hardwork pays off.
I'm glad Pmsb ended off well. I love the Pmsb group.
It's been long since I have enjoyed working in group this much.
I'm sure everyone feels the same happiness n achievement like me.
Hopefully my grp can be like this for fyp too...
Mc is as demoralising as usual.
I did put in effort, but sometimes effort is not everything.
Instead of blaming the prof, I Shld blame myself.
Cause I was the one who chose her, so I have to abide to whatever I face now.
Language hasn't been my forte anyway.
Cat successfully ended too:) though I don't think this group is really very good,
It's considered not bad because we are all trying to push up the proj grades.
And I will say, I truly enjoyed the process despite failing midterms.
But just like dm, because I felt the pressure to put in more effort to help pull up the not so strong grp,
I managed to learn more as a result.
The process might be tough, but its memorable and enriching.
The sem has not ended, I still have three more final paper and one se proj to complete.
End it well mad, u have tried ur best and put in a lot of effort this sem.
Don't let these efforts go down the drain.
To my friends who fell along the way, pls don't dwell on it.
Pick urself up and press on, because the road ahead much be much harder than it seems...

God has his plans. It just takes time for u to wait for him to unveil his plans to u.
Im thankful that he made me overslept for the first cat lesson which motivates me to rebid for the cat class on Thurs.
I bet he knew I'm gonna spend sleepless nights on Tues because of se.
And that I'm able to meet this grp of interesting cat grpmates.
Though I am rather pissed that I'm the only one doing out the model even though my grades are gonna be the lousiest amongst them, im glade I got the chance to learn more.
Week 12 is coming to an end soon.
My torture is gonna end soon!
Can't wait for the freedom to be back!

Uncertainties about grades this sem...
I dunno if I'm able to achieve my goal, but I know I have tried my best.
What I have to do now is to endure through the following weeks.
Week 12 is gonna be a torture but I'm sure I can pull through!
God will make a way for me :)
Despite being busy, I learnt quite a lot this sem.
Results aren't priority. But getting a good internship n graduating early is my current aim.

Believe and you will see miracles!

shld i lose myself in the midst of achieving good results?
does having good results reflect how good u are?

being in this sch for one year plus, what i learnt is most ppl who got high marks are those who dont care about their face, lose their morales and values to go all out to boot lick profs.
Is that what the society values?
shld i follow suit or stay close to my values?

Everything seems aimless.
Is there anything that is achievable?
This week is a bad wk because a lot of things happened.
But I'm glad that all these happened because it made me certain of who are my true friends.
Nothing is fixed in this world. Everything is a variable.
Learn to accept facts. Studying is not about grades.
It's about exploring things not known before.
Hopefully I can learn to accept this mentality.

Im holding back my tears because I promised myself I wont cry over results.
Life is unfair, that's something I have to learn to accept.
Fake up a smile and continue ur day cause there is nothing I can do to change anything

Latest timing is out today.
Because the groupings are by results, everyone is looking at it to see who are the pros and the lousier ones in their groups.
That hurts, when im at the bottom.
Hearing how others comment that their grades are cui when mine is worse leaves me speechless.
Wanting to help but lack the knowledge n capability leaves me speechless.
Maybe that's the reason why i don't seem to have the courage to class part.
I think i sucked at everything, so why am i still in this course?
Trying hard to pull my marks up every sem but everything seems furtile
Would hardwork really pay off?

I thank GOD, for the peace that he has given me.
that i am able to rest and feel relax despite the heavy workload.
to be able to plan my sch work and tuition work well.
next wk will be my battle. the battle to decide my midterm grades.
GOD, please guide my way.

the definition of happiness simply changes with age.
remember the days when we are still wearing diapers, happiness is being able to be well fed and loved by our parents.
when we start to attend preschools and primary schools, happiness means getting ur fav toys or being able to join your friends to play at the playground.
when we start our teenage days, the definition of happiness starts to evolve here.
not only do we want to have fun with our friends, we also seek for material wants.
its the beginning of days where money would start to bring happiness.
when u start university, happiness involves a spectrum of things.
results, money, material wants, friends, good relationship partner, nice family...
the list just gets longer and longer.
but i realise that when one gets old, happiness seems to get much simpler again.
happiness at old age simply comes with good health.

so if happiness can be easily achieved, why are we so greedy to keep new definition to make happiness further away from us?
the choice of HAPPINESS is in your hands.

Ahh! So freaking stress!
There are so many things to do, yet so little time.
Have to revise my work before wk 7 tests come but I simply have no time.
Worse is I suck in coding and cat and these are the mods being tested! Zzz.
And I have to draw out so many things today. All the ct mindmaps. Zzz.
I seriously need a well deserved break after this sem.

IVE HAD ENOUGH!!!
GIVE ME A BREAK!
never felt so stressed before.
Or is it because im giving myself too much pressure.
But i have to pull up my gpa. I have to!
Argh! There's still so many things to do.
End of sem is still so far away!
I cant give up now...
What can i do?

15Hrs spent in sch today.
Lesson, proj, lesson, tuition then back to sch for proj again.
To think that this might be the worse week, its not.
Week 6 n 7 will be much worse.
With midterms coming in, proj presentations etc.
Life is never going to be easy.
There seems to be so many things to complete within so little time.
I think im used to loneliness now.
Maybe things get done more efficiently but I don't seem to like it.
Hias. Life always leave us with choices.
When we choose one, we have to forsake the other.
Why cant we lead a vibrant uni life?

It seems as though life only gets tougher.
Nothing seems to go as planned every sem.
I thought I could do well in cat, but I kindof screwed up my assignment one.
In uni, once u screw u a component ur scores would be badly affected.
But im tired of getting a b or b minus as avg score.
Why cant I get better grades.
Why does it seem so simple for others to obtain an a but not the same for me.
Why do I always screw up myself?
There are always a lot of why, but all of them are often left unanswered.
Looking at how others have aims, goals when they graduate.
I thought to myself, do i know what i want?
Actually no. Is that the reason why im not working hard enough now?
Maybe its time to think of what i want..
Life just seems to get tougher as years passed by.

Legs are suffering from the after effects of the run ytd.
Had great lunch with Jeanette, which is a great start of the day. :D
My tuition kid gave me teachers day present that's surprise two.
But after that comes headache, work...tonnes of them.
When ppl ask how many days week do u have. My reply would be three on paper but seven in reality.
Seriously can ppl don't be so @%#!?%@.
Meet meet meet but some meetings are damn unproductive!
Some just act smart, act pro.
Zzz. I cant imagine how im going to survive for the rest of the weeks!

Torn, demoralized, stupid, tired.
All these words describe my emotions now.
If I survive next week, its by gods grace.
If I die, it would be due to exhaustion.
Proj proj n proj.
Deadlines, assignments n presentations are all crashing down tgther .
I sense the stress, sense the sleepless nights and days without meals coming.
Again, the feeling of buying clothes come. But I promised myself I won't buy clothes.
The more dumb I feel the quieter I am.
Maybe that's why I don't talk much now.
Too dumb to speak. Hias.
I hate the feeling of uselessness' but its too late to give up now.
Endure. Im sure I can pull through this!

Doing class part still seems to be a barrier for me after one yr .
Had tuition with an old student that I didnt teach for almost a year
He was shocked when I told him I still remember the nickname he gave me as monster giraffe wearing specs. Haha.
It was fun teaching n bickering with an old student.
Maybe I've done so many tutoring until I've grown to love it unknowingly.
There are a lot of work to catch up this wk
Hopefully I won't lag behind because I cant afford to.
And I just realize psle will fall on the same wk as se n cat exam! Which means I have to start preparing real early before I run out of time!
I need to achieve the scores that I am aiming for.
Believe that I can. I can.

Watched suckseed with jy today.
Because the timeslot was too early, we are the only two person in the cinema! Haha.
The show was lame, but it talks abt the value of friendship.
I've always placed friendship as one of the most impt thing in my life
But I feel that these few days im more like a loner.
I seldom talk to my meta friends despite being in the same class.
Seldom arrange for outings with friends because work has occupied quite a lot of my time.hopefully my friends won't forget me.
The challenge ahead is going to get tougher. Can i overcome them?
One of my student who never passed maths after p3 msg me that she passed her maths prelim.
Frm the msg she sounds v.happy, im happy for her too.
There is a sense of achievement n satisfaction that i got.
I told myself i will stop giving tuition because its too taxing for me.
But will i miss this kind of enjoyment that work gives?

I feel so useless.
Can't help my partner during coding at all .
Seems like I wasted money on sl314 cause I cannot rmb a single shit.
It sucks being a leech in a team because I lack the knowledge to contribute.
Shall read up this wkend since im not working.
Hopefully god will guide me through.
I know he will.

Really enjoyed myself today.
No sch, no proj mtg, no tuition.
I got to spend this lovely day with my beloved friends n family.
This is a kind of life im looking for.
Simple yet hard to achieve dream because everyone is just too busy.
But its these little things that make me happy.
Life can be simple if man isn't greedy...

Full day in school...
All the way from 830 till 1130.
U can imagine how tired I was.
But nevertheless, I manage to finish quite some stuff which is good. Haha.
Life is going to get more hectic from now on. ..
Looking at my friends who are aiming to get into dean lister I envy them
Because such dreams seems almost impossible for me.
Too quiet n stupid to be one alr.
I just hope I can pull my gpa up.
Hopefully its a reachable goal .

reality is cruel.
i guess everyone knows this, just that sometimes we refuse to admit it.
because our inner self wishes to live in denial.
thinking that this world is a wonderful place.
well is it? there are ppl suffering all over the world.
every second someone is dying of hunger.
ppl are killing one another out of jealousy, hatred, love, money etc.
ppl dying for fame, fortune and position.
is this the world that we have been striving to live towards?
i hope not. because if this is the case, we would have reached the end of human's life.
when everyone starts to tear down their masks, i feel as though im living in a foreign land.
i dunno who i can trust, who i can believe in.
who gave ur the authorities to judge others when GOD haven't even judged you?
the more u judge others, the more i despise you.

maybe my friends would be puzzled abt this post but well, there are things that im not in any authority to say anything but my take is, even if my results are like shit, i know ive tried my best and that's enough. Being smart does not give you the authority to judge others. who says people who cant get good gpa, good class participation cannot do well. im gonna prove you wrong.

heartstrings ended. it was a nice drama.
too bad the ending was a bit too short. hope that there will be a part two! =)
got contacted by one of my past student's mum that she wants me back to give tuition.
alr 3 students on hand, with a part time job...can i still cope?
i knw it might seem as though im courting death, but i accepted that request.
maybe this is not a wise choice, i shall just see how it goes.
anyway all these tortures will end by end sept.
i will pull through it. will i?

Tired. Really damn tired or running ard to work.
Handling three tuition with sch is diff.
But I will persevere, in another mth all this will end.
Hope I can cope throughout this one mth!
Maybe im just too weak.
If so many ppl can balance work n study, why can't I?
Am I the pampered weakling that gives up easily?
Maybe my life has been too good all these years.
Perhaps this will be the most tiring part of my life but this shall also be the life that will bring back memories of hardship...

had a nice day celebrating my cousin's bday.
it was nice not because of the food, not because of the ambience but because everyone was there.
it might sound funny, but its been damn long since all of us gathered as 6.
because there were some disputes between 2 of my cousins, they always refuse to come out tgther with us.
so i was really glad that they agreed to come out with us for this celebration though i know this time both of them came out cause i helped them out with their reports and they felt indebted to me i suppose. haha.
the time spent might be short, but it brings back lots of memories.
how we used to eat tgther, played at the archade today, joke n laugh together.
these are the memories that will not fade, but will always be there...

Today was a rather fruitful day. Met two cliques of ppl, my meta n bgs friends.
The lunch with bgs mates was simple but I was glad that we finally meet up after so long.
Its just so hard to find time to sit down n talk tgther.
But im glad we set aside time to meet one another.
Slack the rest of the afternoon in sch till dinner.
Meta grp is still as funny as usual.
Had a great dinner n a fantastic time playing in archade
Come to think of it I haven played in arcade for quite a long time.
Meetings like this really brighten up the day.
Though I feel Sian of starting sch, I know this cant be avoided.
Sch will start no matter what.

Now I got my lomo camera I shall learn to use it to take beautiful pictures for my HK trip in dec:)

Had a fruitful time in church today.
I know that im an individualistic Christian, which is not a v.good thing.
But I just dunno why I don't like to speak much in church.
The sermon today was pretty humorous.
But he did a great job cause I think everyone enjoyed the sermon.
As Christians, we often forget abt Christ, forgot the sufferings he suffered for us.
And ppl tend to do good things for a reason, either to gain good karma or some benefits in return. But god taught us to share unconditioned love to the people around us just like how he loved us unconditionally.
Maybe its this reason that inspire me to volunteers in diff fields.
To share gods love. Now i have to learn how to spread gods love to the people ard me...

Slacking at home these few days.
I didnt really get any chance to rest this hols so these few days are my rest:)
But its just too boring to rot at home
I know I shld have started to revise on Java n SQL, but seriously I lack the motivation to do so.
Started packing up my room.
I realized that tech advancement can be a scary thing.
Because i can do online transaction, i can actually spent near 200 bucks just in one hr! Seriously v.broke now. Lol.
And despite staying at home almost everyday, jasmine told me that i look darker! :(
Zzz. How can i whiten myself?
Sch is starting. Im filled with uncertainties. . .
Will this sem be good?

Today's national day.
Didn't go out today cause my family was intending to celebrate my dad's bdayb'day
Was so bored that I actually volunteered to help my mum in housework.
The whole family was snatching for hse work to do except my sister who was studying.
I wanted to treat my dad to the newly opened seafood restaurant at punggol since he loves seafood, but my mum suggested that we bring him to this steakhouse.
That restaurant was where they frequent during their courtship period.
Mum said dad missed that place so we went there.
My parents said that the deco didnt change, which u know how they place shld look like.
Food was just erm...average.
But its nice to see my parents talking abt their past.
Bet that place gave them lotsa memories.
Was walking ard after dinner when I spotted my cousin n their family in a dessert shop nearby!
So we went n gave a surprise attack! Haha.
How small can sg be? V.v.small.
Ate desserts before we went for a refrigerator hunt.
My parents are still waiting for each other to see who is willing to pay for the fridge. Lol. I wonder when we wld be able to get a new fridge like this.

today can be considered the first official rest day that i have.
no work, no tuition, not meeting up with friends.
SO i decided to try baking a cake for my dad's bday=)
there were many obstacles which i face, such as oven breaking down...
but nevertheless, i manage to accomplise the mission of baking one!



although it dosent look too fantastic or taste damn fantastic, its the effort and thought that i have put in to make this cake awesome! =)
hopefully my dad would appreciate it. ><
went to my grandma hse in the afternoon.
digging through the past photos when i was young, i noticed that i always wear podka dots dresses. thats cause my mum loves podka dots...
but maybe thats why after being 'forced' to wear such dresses when i was young, it makes me detest such kind of dresses when im older like now. HAHA.
but i think my looks still looks the same.. LOL.

Awesome wkend spent this wk.
Think this is one of the best part of my hols!
Spent sat night with my lovely sec best pals!
Though we might not talk to each other often, we try our best to meet up often to catch up n try new stuff whenever we can:)
Tried fat boy at joo chiat since its near to wynee's workplace.
The serving was huge! But taste was rather nice:)
We walked a lot, talked a lot.
Though there were lotsa complains, I still love their company:)
Hopefully we wld still continue to meet often after sch starts...

went to church early in the morning.
It seems as though I haven been there for long cause I missed service for two wks thanks to work. Felt so guilty.
After church I went to suntec to take a look at all the travel fairs.
Even though it was a fair, the airfares wasn't really cheap afterall.
So I decided to stick to planning free n easy tour on my own.
Got to my grandma hse and I decided to go for a haircut.
Think I cut my fringe too short alr. Looks rather nerdy. Lol.
Had YMCA comm dinner at night.
Initially I thought it was awkward for me to go since im not v.close to them and we dont have lotsa things to talk abt.
But apparently the whole dinner ended quite well esp the dessert part:)
Glad to catch up with them.

What's left is my SLC, bgs, jc clique n my meta grp gathering!
Need to meet up before my hectic sch life robs my life away!

Interesting trainer and interesting people.
today marks the last day of the training.
the trainer was, humorous as usual.
we were assigned to sit in groups today and i would say i got the most interesting one. HAHA.
seated on my right was two girls with ULTRA thick makeup.
to me, one of them even look like a barbie doll! HAHA.
to my left was two guys, both filled with vulgarities in speech. one even had tatoo almost all over his body!
it might look as though im the most decent amongst them despite us having the same age. LOL.
it kindof made me wonder. why didnt i turn out to be like them?
was it because of good upbringing? was it because i was too timid to challenge the norms like them? or was it because im too poor?
perhaps the latter is the ans.
recently there has been debates in my family.
you might be wondering. hmm, what incident can make a family quarrel?
well, its over a fridge. LOL.
because neither of my parents bear to fork out money to buy a new fridge to replace the current one which was spoilt.
sounds like a joke huh? but its real.
i volunteered to contribute some money, but was scolded too. LOL.
in the end, my parents decide to see who gives in first.
MY FAMILY IS JUST SO FUNNY ISNT IT?

went for starhub training today.. it was more interesting than the one ytd i wld say. haha.
but then again, i didnt really listen attentively cause i felt a bit sick during the second half of the session.
was on my way home when i spotted ms jasmine at the train stn.
so...i decided to give her a surprise! haha, she got a shock out of it. LOL.
gave tuition and came home to surf the net.
been too busy lately, or rather lazy so i didnt use the com often.
i saw the photos taken by my ycamp friends on their outing.
felt a bit sad n bad, bad because they asked me a couple of times but i missed their outings cause i was either having summer lessons, working or overseas in batam.
sad cause i think they got so tired till they stop asking me out alr..
looking at the fun that they had, i really envy them.
its not that i didnt wanna join them, its just that the timing just dosent match my schedule.
was thinking of joining sep tri uniy camp, but i think i have to give up that thought cause sept is the psle mth.
i have to spend more time with my students to pull them up for the last stretch.
maybe i shld learn to be a better friend, so that my friends wont forget me...

Feeling damn tired today..
Think its because Its been too long since I've attended 'lessons'.
The training really felt like a long lecture.
I yawned for a couple of times n nearly doozed off!
Despite being so bored by it, i feel that I've learnt more abt wireless network.
Went for tuition after training.
I think god really gave me a challenge.
The students that im teaching are all foundation students but this is the worse case.
I went through the mock prelim paper with the student.
Saw his ans n i got a shock.
Out of 100, he got 20+.
The most shocking thing was not the score, but his ans!
Almost all the qns asked his ans was the same. Its just a single word. Yes.
No matter what the Qn asked, the ans given is only a yes.
Can someone teach me how do i teach?
I shall try my best to push him up during this one mth that i had with him.
Hopefully i can help out...

Had a nice dinner with thomas jas n celest ytd.
Pool was simply hilarious!
Went to relief k1m2 and k1m4 today.
Maybe I was too nice, so the students didnt even listen to me.
The whole place was chaotic!
But when they quieten down, looking at their innocent faces it makes me happy :)
Rush here and there which cost me to be late for my dinner date with xt qr n jel.
First time I've been so late, I guess my schedule is too packed alr! Shall do sth abt it!

Had a wonderful day at batam.
We ate, shop and crap.
Though we went with tour, it was actually ok.
Just that a lot of shops that we went to purposely up their pr cause they know they are serving the tourists.
Felt a bit scammed that way.
But to think of it, I shall treat it as im helping the residents there to earn a bit more since they aren't living a well off lifestyle.
Went to eat at a kitty restaurant! That place totally caught us off by surprise.
Bought clothes again.damn.
I just cannot resist the temptation.
But despite buying them my mum refuse to wash them.
Think she wanna keep them till cny. Lol.
But then again, I really think I bought too much.
Maybe the older one gets the more shopaholic one becomes?
Or is it cause my friends all have too little clothes which makes me feel as though I have a lot of clothes?
Hmm, its a qn worth thinking...

Finally a day of rest.
Been working these few days that I sort of lost connection with the world.
Work has been fun, made some friends though I think we would only be hi bye friends after this job ends.
Not only was cashiering fun, relief at kindergarten was fun too!
It made me more keen to set up a kindergarten in future.
So what I have to do now is to earn suff money!
Now gpa doesn't influence me that much.
I just wanna graduate n earn suff money.
Passion or pay? This always leave ppl in a dilemma.
That's the way life works, forever trapping u.
Learn to make the right choices.
As for the rest, god will provide:)

Worked sort of like half day today cause I need to go for ndp rehearsal.
Its been long since I've seen one.
The last one was like...pri 5!?!
Haha. Come to think of it, that's nine yrs ago!
Must thank ms for getting the tickets cause I think the whole thing was rather awesome, esp the fireworks which is my fav! :)
On my way home, i saw this couple who was damn touchy.
Wasn't really paying attention to them until i heard them talking about teachers.
Heard them talking abt ms tan and ganesan, classes like 5 faith n joy.
So...they are my 'junior'.
Seems long since i graduated frm sec sch, but i guess the teachers r pretty much the same...

Went for Jl briefing today.
The person told us its good to have multiple roles while working cause having more ex will increase ur mkt value.
Then georgina was telling me what the supervisor said was a joke, cause for the past two days what we have been doing is packing undergarments, clothes etc.
How can that increase our mkt value. Lol.
True i would say, and the way she said it makes me laugh. Haha.
Went to my tutee hse.
Im thankful that God gave me all the nice parents who treats me well.
And this further motivates me to teach them well.
But the mum wants to set wed as the tuition day, which means after se in future, i would have to Marathon down to teach tuition.
Im rather used to the marathons anw. Haha.
Just hope that my se grp won't wanna do proj after se lesson...

Had attachment at jl today to familiarize with the system before I start work.
The staff was friendly, which is a good thing.
Saw some clothes that were damn cheap!
But control mad, ur wardrobe cannot keep expanding!
I shall wait for end season sale! Haha
Hopefully god will provide and the days at expo will be good.
I realized the main pt abt working is not the pay, but the friends and exp that u get there.
Hopefully I can learn more, exp more before I start working in the society full time.
Have fun while u are young!:)

My day was made awesome through the singing with my seven yr long friends.
Its nice to have singing companions to sing with, joke with and go out with.
Tmr onwards, life will get a bit tougher... Busier I guess.
God will guide me through.

Back from BURU. nothing much has changed there..
but this time round i had more experiences.
the sea water was SUPER CHOPPY on the way to indo.
made me felt a bit of sea sick.
because the new jetty is alr in operation, we dont have to take the sampan rides to change into the boats anymore! haha.
the usual shop that we usually have our lunch is not opened, so we decided to try the new Malay Stall.
Well, food was good, except that its too SPICY for me!
and the drink stall there sold us expired canned drinks!
luckily i spotted it and exchanged the cans with the uncle!
surprisingly, no one came in the afternoon. So the four of us rotted the entire afternoon by playing card games like donkey, old maid and happy family which we brought for the kids.
at night, a lot of students came!
was rather happy abt it, but my class was too large!
i was handling 12 students on my own. though language is not really a barrier cause some of them can communicate in hokkien with me,
these students are super violent and noisy!
its very hard to keep them down, despite me shouting at the top of my voice.
interacting with so many kids, i would say they are the most diff to handle grp of kids! even more diff than sg children.
but at least i see some of them making the effort to learn,
and that they remember me and my name despite me missing the trip for so many sessions.
this is what that motivates me to go back again.
maybe im too easily satisfied, but thats not a bad thing isnt it? =)

Today marks the end of twc, my summer term.
Finals was tough, but im glad its over.
Whatever the results might be, I dont dare to think abt it.
God will provide I believe.
Its time I start having faith in him again.
Again I have a tuition marathon today.
As I typed this post it sudd reminds me of the phrase i saw in the TW show Cindy acted.
U always help others, but why do u forget to help urself?
Maybe i shld learn to help myself more when sem starts...

I think im overly impulsive, or too easily persuaded.
Just a few words from the beautician and I succumb.
But facial was nice though.
If my mum know I went for facial, I think she would slaughter me! Haha
But which woman don't like to doll herself up?
Maybe I shld bring my mum here and try it someday:)
Tuition got postponed, again.
Oh well good in a sense, cause this way I can focus on studying for twc finals.
Hopefully I won't let myself down this time round.
Failure are the mother of success.
I've experienced so many failures, so when would success appear!?!

Im thinking if i shld do the part time job with jas.
Good to earn more money, but i wonder if i can balance studies, tuition and work.
But tuition will end in Sept though, once psle is over i will lose this income.
Im hoping that god would guide me into choosing the right path.
Allow me to make the right decisions so i won't have regrets.
Learn to make the right decisions and to grow up from failures.

Actually gpa doesn't matter to me now, not as much.
I just wanna graduate and get a job with stable income.
Work and save up sufficient money to fulfill my aspirations shld i still be alive and the end of the world haseny arrive...

Dunno if I made the right decision.
Maybe this is god's plan, and im sure he will guide me through.
Hopefully I will be able to cope and help out Dena.
She's a nice person, talking to her makes me realize that we have quite a lot of things in common.
I was thinking if i shld continue giving tuition after i end my two p6 cases.
Dena made me realize that all the while I've been teaching not because i wanna earn mone,but more because i want to help the weaker students with the knowledge that i have. May god provide me with the ability to help others.
To serve and learn from ppl ard me.

i love twc lessons, because its always so relaxing and educating.
esp the videos, i think they are damn interesting. =)
i think the main reason i love it is because the prof is nice, and his ideas are cute too! hopefully he isnt a bias prof like my LTB prof.
thank goodness i took my camera to sch today, took photos with TWC classmates.
most of the time i acted like a photographer, took more for my friend than for myself.
but nvm, thats because i like to isolate myself. haha.
went to sing k with meta peeps.
its been long since i last sung. so the feeling was great!
just that they dont sing the songs i sing. haha.
good also, cause no one would snatch the mic. HAHA.
but because i am going to sing with them, i have to PS teddy boy.
felt a bit bad though. cause i always fly him aeroplane...
left meta friends early to meet twins and jy.
supposed to be a shopping trip but i knw i alr got a lot of clothes.
so i controlled myself!
anw im too poor to buy a lot of stuff also. haha.
need to save up save up!
HK trip, summer exchange, TW trip...wait for ME! =)

HELLO MAD, are you still ALIVE?!!
rotted at home today, really ROTTED.
planned to go to my grandma hse, who knows no one is at home.
luckily i haven step out of my hse...HAHA
slacked like nobody's business.
supposed to revise TWC, but MAD just dont feel like studying.
PROCASTINATION.
this word fits me to a T.
from saying i wanna learn playing the piano, hiphop dance, drum, baking, revise programming, do out my own blogskins, learn korean..
this word just keep appearing in my brain.
SO IN THE END, NOTHING gets done. =(
bidding is such a torture,
it divulge the innate of humanity.
is it a bad or good thing? i dunno.
well, hopefully the bidding this time rd would be a success.
COME ON MAD, start doing whatever you have promised yourself that u wanted to do.

Had a great evening with my friends:)
Wynee is the easiest person to trick in the group,
So planning her b'day was rather easy.
Presentation ended today.
Wanted to ans during qna but I didnt see the need to since the guys in my grp are so enthu in answering.
Hopefully I can do well for twc. Get my first a.
I like this mod actually, cause it is rather fun.
Had bidding discussion.
Playing mind games is tiring and bidding is a game where logic fails u because no one is thinking logically, hence resulting in the high inflation in the edollar world.
My body wasn't feeling well today but nonetheless I pulled it through.
Just hope the weird feeling in my stomach would disappear soon and that my throat wld recover...

heartache, cause i spent 150 bucks today..
well, it isnt spent on useless stuff..its spent on formal clothes.
a large part of it went to the blazer... Zzz.
its such an irony, that i got the formal attire after i know that i failed my FT mods.
hias. thot i could get MC but in the end, it turns out that SMU inflation is much worse off than Singapore's inflation! Damn.
got to restructure my plan.
i think its GOD's will. cause after i fail these bids, he gave me a new thought.
a new direction on how i shld bid my timetable.
GOD, i trust that im going the right way, pls lead me and guide me.
Bidding is a torture but studying is much worse..

wow, its my 240 post on this blog alr..
think this is my longest lasting blog EVER!
had twc meetings and lessons today.
well, i would say progress looks fine, but i dunno if the report would be good.
cause most of it is done by me, so i pray hard everything goes fine.
went out with friends after lesson.
crapped and ate ajisen for dinner.
it is always fun to sit down and listen to the life journey that others have been through.
watched popper's penguin. nice movie i would say, cause there are quite a lot of funny parts in the movie. haha.
i realised its been damn long since i last watched a movie.
maybe cause life has got so busy for me and my friends that we dont even have time to spare 2 hrs for a short movie.


if there is one thing i hate abt sch, that would be bidding.
though bidding has an advantage, which is to allow u to see the true self of the ppl ard you.
the evil, scheming kind of looks will allow u to differentiate who are the ppl u shld really make friends with.
life is cruel i would say. but this is the life we are leading now.

Had a great time at sentosa today.
Thanks to the HORIZON ppl who never fails to bring laughter to my life.
was late for like 2 hrs thanks to my mum and georgina, but i was glad they wasent very angry with us.
went sentosa. the weather was ultra hot, so hot that i burned myself darker once again... ...
i think it will be hard for me to get back to my previous lighter tanned color unless i hide at home for months! haha.
played volleyball for a while, took some pics before i got dragged into the ocean by them. THANKS TO GEORGINA.
i think im too light, thats why the girls alone is able to carry me to the sea without the help of the guys.
to think that none of my friends came to help me...
but i manage to drag almost all of them down into the sea with me! HAHA.
hopefully such gatherings will continue because if there isnt someone to plan such outings, the horizon spirit would be lost soon.
i hope this grp wont end like normal camp groups.
stay strong and united horizon!


been contemplating if i shld join in the planning of horizon II.
i would love to go for OCIP again, but that is if there is time for planning etc.
wanted to try new areas like cambodia or africa, but i dont mind going back to viet too, since its such a HUGE country. haha.
because of sch, i've rejected to join the dec YCAMP committee cause i knw i need to focus on sch work alr.
but am i gonna let sch work diminish my passion for volunterism?
today bernice taught us, our source of love comes from GOD.
the unconditional, everlasting, accepting love that we have for others is also from GOD. In order to love GOD, we have to learn to love others first.
maybe GOD wants me to love others through volunteering thats why he made this my passion. If im not burdened by family, i might have chosen the path of social worker.
but whats done cannot be undone, i've chosen IT so i shld stick to it.
the future is in ur hands, change it while u can.

Its disgusting to see ppl sucking up to Prof just for results.
I've known ppl who deliberately find Prof to chat after class just to make sure that the Prof would know them so they can get their class part.
And this works extremely well for ppl who have bias Prof in their class.
U just cannot imagine how bias these profs can be.
And being a male, there are a lot of advantages that they can get.
I thought university is abt providing ppl with education and knowledge.
That my country values a lot on meritocracy, but now it seems otherwise.
So ppl who can talk, can suck up to profs are the ones who can survive well in uni?
This is a joke. Tell me that the society isn't what I have seen.

Spent the whole morning and afternoon at home to finish my reports.
Got back my twc mcq and qna results.
To me, these results gave me a huge sense of satisfaction n motivation.
I promised myself im going to try and do well for all my mods after year one .
I can, I will do well .
Met team two for dinner.
Thought we could meet and take photo as a team,
But apparently everyone is just too busy.
Looks like we are really back to the sg lifestyle, hectic and stressful.
The peaceful days in Viet have disappeared...

Felt rather demoralizing today.
My cousin came to sch hoping that I could help her out with codes
But it turns out that after six hrs of trying, I couldn't help her at all .
This made me realize how poor my programming skills are.
Its time to seriously sit down and revise.
I don't wanna continue doing badly for it mods.
Don't wish to harm my grps.
Just realized that bidding is such a headache today.
Still got to improve on the child care robot is before fri and come out with first page for my grp proj.
Mad arh, don't relax le. I keep thinking I have a lot of time, but sadly I dont.
Maybe the incident today is a wake up call from god.
Wake up mad, before its too late...

Spent my whole day studying twc today.
To me, twc is an interesting topic because it allowed us to think and know how technology have affected us.
There has been tremendous advancement in technology.
Without these technologies, our lives might be much tougher to live in.
I cannot imagine days without television or hp.
Because they are considered essentials in my life. Haha.
Kindof regretted getting a windows phone.
Shld have got an android hp cause there are much more apps.
Oh well, wait for another one year plus then
This year seems to pass rather quickly..

Nothing significant happened today.
Had meetings, lessons, studied with friends and then dinner at home.
If my life is like this everyday, would I get bored of it?
Last time I used to pack my life like crazy, now i learn to relax or rather slack.
Spending days peacefully may seem to be a blessing.
There are a lot of things to do but i just keep procrastinating.
Where can i find the motivation to start turning my life into a meaningful one?

Had a nice dinner with my family at House of Seafood @180 today.
as usual, there were some disputes, some quarrels...
but this is how my family members interact with one another, our way of showing love and concern through bickerings =)
ordered like 10 dishes, our parents spent 400+ in total.
the meal was sinful, but delicious.
i thank GOD for this family that im in.
we might not be rich, some has bad temper,
but we all accept each other for who we are.
maybe its best to live life simply afterall...

summer mods started... lesson passed damn quickly.
midterms are coming, deadlines are due soon, presentations are coming too..
oh well, seems like there are busy days ahead!
i dunno why time seems to pass much faster after im back from viet.
maybe its because we are really living in an environment that is too fast paced.
i know i shld study hard, revise on programming
but procastination always kicks in
and my laziness would add on, causing me to be unproductive.
MAD ARH, MUST BE SERIOUS ALR!
maybe chanting this millions of time may work.. maybe. lol.
cant wait to see the girls tmr! hopefully the meetup will be a good one=)

Its been ard a wk since ycamp ended...
I got to experience the role of a committee
Got the chance to learn and see a lot of things.
I enjoyed the camp, though I still prefer being a volunteer.
Got to know a lot of ppl through this camp,
But sadly I aren't very close with them cause I wasn't ard for most of the mtgs since I was away in Viet.
But throughout the camp I was rather quiet though so in a sense they hasent seen the real mad yet. Haha.
Summer term has started but I don't feel the studying mood yet.
Need to start studying real hard alr.
Wake up mad, its time to get serious....

Back from vietnam.
The 19 days trip was awesome, memorable, enriching.
Again I got to realize the wonders of life.
I also got to know more abt Viet culture.
Learnt to appreciate the things ard me more after each volunteer trip.
There might be disputes, disagreements,
But everything still manage to go well. :)
Now I have more good friends in smu, im thankful to god for that.
Tmr is the start of YMCA camp.
Hopefully things will turn out fine too:)
Too bad I didnt get into meta camp, if not it would be a nice exp.
Oh well, summer is gonna start soon.
Its time to get serious. I have to pull up my socks alr!

a day without sl314... YES, like finally a day off programming=)
went out to buy logistics with hui zhi, didnt buy a lot of stuff cause we realised bras brasah stores charge highly! Zzz..
went for an interview, it was a wasted trip actually.
make me feel so sorry to jasmine cause i made her went down for the interview for nth too.. ...
one of my student got back her maths paper and she only got 36 -.-
but then again she say 3/4 of her class failed. the highest was 82, second highest is 59...such great difference. makes me interested to take a look at the paper.
rather than saying that im disappointed with her, i wld say im disappointed with myself cause she didnt improve after my teachings.
or perhaps there were too many chpts that i have to rush through with her...
oh well, i just have to give her more additional tuition and more hw!
i really wana help her cause i want her to do well and not end up like me...
had dinner with jc peeps, blur edel actually forgot abt the date!
nvm, luckily i still have mh and elaine. HAHA.
but both are the quiet type. so i think until i got no topics to chat! LOL.



i have 6 mths to slowly think things through...

Another day of sl314...today I can only understand the first half but not the second half of the session.
Went out for dinner with my friends.
They were talking abt proj mates attitude and perhaps future grp proj grpings
I didnt dare to say much since my score is the worse amongst them.
And when ppl like one of my friend who kept complaining how lousy when his gpa is so high, i really felt quite sad.
If ppl like u cant survive then how do i survive?
If my results continue to be so bad, wld they want me in their team?
Hias. Why is the world esp Singapore such a competitive place?
Why didnt my hardwork seems to pay off at all?
If i work doubly hard next sem, wld results show?
God, teach me what shld i do...

Had sl314 today as usual just that I changed seats.
I realized its better to sit at the bottom cause I could catch things better cause the sear at the back was too far away from the screen and I could see nth at all.
Got a lot to learn, a lot, a lot.
Esp when im so lousy in programming I really have to buck up
Looking at this sem's result I told myself there shall be no grades lower than c that will appear in my transcript anymore.
I had enough of fun alr, and its now time to get really serious.
Im going to conquere classpart too.
Speak in class, don't be afraid cause it won't help if I don't speak.
Everything is gonna change and next sem shall be my new start and a new beginning...



Am I thinking too much, so much that im depriving myself of a chance.
There is no reason that I shld be afraid, no reason that I shld run
Maybe im just a coward in this kind of issue so id choose to feign ignorance.
God, guide me on what to do.

HAPPY MOTHER's DAY!

this post is dedicated to MAD's mum. HAHA.
my mother, a woman of unique and different personality.
she does not know how to cook, does not know how to dress up,
does not know how to put on make up, does not know english,
does not know how to praise her kids, does not know how to say sweet loving stuff to her husband, does not even know that her daughter stayed out all night..

BUT

she is a loving mother who belongs to the kou ying xin ruan category,
she is always sacastic in her words as a way to motivate her children,
forever complaining to be poor but is always willing to lend my dad money after a series of nagging cause she cares for him,
forever complaining about her daughters but she will do all the housework so that they can rest after a hard day of studying,
giving her daughters additional money for allowance to cover for their bus fare,
refusing to accept gifts for bday and mother's day to help her daughters save money,
scrimping and saving up by not buying things for herself but is willing to spend the money for family tour for her daughters to enjoy themselves.
LOVE will not come out from her mouth, but i knw she loves us.

i think in a sense im like my mum, sacastic in speech even when u are motivating ppl.
not knowing how to say love out, but rather would act it out.
i knw my mum might nvr see this, but my mum is one of the best mum (apart from her superb nagging skills) and i thank GOD for giving me such a lovely mum!
she might always have weird thinkings and mindsets but then again, she is still my mum, the person who was pregnant with me for ten mths! THANKS MUM! WO AI NI! =)

Got back my year one gpa.
Freaking cui, thanks to my is mods.
Feeling sad but I didnt show it on my face.
I saw my results but I didnt tell my friends my result cause is damn cui.
I got the lowest amongst them though I know they won't laugh at me.
I have so much expectations, praying for a miracle everytime i get back my results,
Thus the fall is greater now.
Look ahead. The future might be better.

SL314 started today, but seriously, i wasnt in the mood to study at ALL.
in another 24 hrs, im receiving my results.
argh! dont wish to think abt it.
the thought of it is simply SCARY.
but thats because of the high expectations i've set for myself. blame who?
blame mad. she is dumb enough to always set goals which are unreachable for herself. LOL.

Been watching show lately. Love buffet is rather nice!
its been a long time since i watched a taiwan show, but i wld say its good.
if i can have a bf who is kind, gentle, caring and compassionate like the male leads, i would die without regrets!
but then again, does such man still exist? haha.
well, its just a show, its for ppl to admire. haha

a bit sad that i couldnt book the tickets on time.
was so excited abt the bintan trip with gz and jy.
thinking abt banana boat ride, kayaking, karaoke and most imptly...snorkeling!
but in the end, tixs were sold out cause the package was damn cheap i guess.
HIAS. i shall act faster next time such deals appear again!
12 more days and i will be flying off soon!
anticipation, excitment, worries are filling my mind!!!

Great great day spent with my lovely friends ;)
It has been long since I went to a beach to relax and enjoy.
May the sea carry all my worries away.
I hope Friday never come. I dont want to run away from reality but I dont feel like facing my results too
Oh, such a dilemma.
im such a weird girl.

Got back ooad results. I failed my mod...
Surprisingly I didnt cry or feel sad, maybe im alr immune to bad grades.
Got used to looking at results that dont reflect my hardwork.
Life just seems to be more unfair as I grew older...
Surprisingly I have pulled through year one.
Life in smu has been tough, real tough.
Im really gladful for the nice ppl that god have placed ard me.
Having a nice meta grp with great friends who never failed to make me laugh like crazy when im with them, though they like to make fun of me.
Having nice proj grpmates, maybe not all are good but I had great exp cause I learn alot despite getting backstabbed and tortured sometimes.
Got into a cca which I dont feel bonded and feel so foreign abt but im glad i can be a company to jasmine.



Life is like a roller coaster ride that is filled with turns and unexpected surprises.
It doesn't always go according to the way we want it, but we will all start and end at the same point in the end.
The journey might be tough but it can be fun if u keep an open mind.
Its just the start of the journey and i have a much longer way to go.
May my ride be smoother as it continues...
God please guide my way.

Results are slowly coming out..
There is this feeling of anxiety whenever I view my results.
I realized by being honest im only harming myself.
Hias. My stupidity just cause me to score lesser for class part.

Had great fun at the chalet cause I manage to know and bond with more ppl.
Though the ppl going for the ocsp are all nice ppl, most of them lack the exp of teaching and doing volunteer work so im a bit afraid that there might be lots of problems in terms of programs that we might face there.
But im sure everything will be able to turn out fine with god's guidance.
In two more wks I will be flying off!!!:)

Ooad results are gonna be out tonight.
Ahh! Why do the profs like to spoil my mood!
I hope I did well. Pls god, allow me to at least maintain my gpa.
I've tried my best for this sem so pls show me some results!

celebrated easter in church, truly enjoyed the lessons in church more and more.
i think thats cause i have a really nice and good teacher.
the lessons made me realised that my faith in the past wasnt strong.
and i have much more to learn to become a better christian.

spent a lot these few days, really a lot.
but the days were enjoyable, esp with all my friends.
had is101 gathering last night, like usual i stick to yanni while the other guys stick to each other, thats cause their topics and ours are diff! haha
but then again, we had great fun, nice chats.
as usual, yanni left early, leaving me with the 2 guys.
wanted to go timbre but in the end i pangseh them cause amanda needed help with econs, so i rushed to her hse to help her with the econs concepts.
hopefully she did well for the paper...

went out with a friend today, i think i finished WALKING the whole of NEX.
literally walking and talking. LOL.
listening to my friend's stories just made me realised how fortunate i am, how blessed i am esp with my nice family.
i shall pray for my friends, pray that GOD will touch their hearts and make them feel his presence so that they will have faith in HIM.

I had a day of surprise today. Haha
Surprised by tk de galfiend and by one of my uni friend.
Why surprised i guess i shall not say. Haha!
Have to thank mr unknown for going an to raffles place with Me.
Now i got my dream wallet!!! So happy.:):):)
But got a bit of bu she de to use it leh.
Haha. Shall use it when sem starts:)
Life has been great so far, but not results.
I think i lost the hope for this sem de gpa alr but i really tried my best so maybe that's the reason i didnt feel sad or emo when i see my grades.
Hopefully other mods would do well though deep in my heart i know its gone case for those mods too.


I think sometimes i really think too much over certain things and i lack the courage to do a lot of things. I need more courage and confidence in myself. ..

It seems as though I have been having hols for a mth when only 3 days have passed.
I spent a lot of money but I would say I truly enjoyed myself these few days:)
Life seems to be so great, carefree and stress free:)
But results are coming out alr.
I dunno if I shld check my results now or later.
Because I fear that the results might not be good and this might disrupt the little happiness that I have right now.
Next wk is gonna be a busy wk too cause I have to plan out the programs for my ocsp and there is also a bonding chalet:)
Have to pick up cycling during the chalet. Argh.
Im damn bad at cycling, but I have to cycle in Vietnam. Sian.
But i dont understand why so many ppl are shocked that i cant cycle.
Actually i can, but i sucked at it.
Furthermore i dont wish to add another scar on my knee alr!
On the side note, learning cycling isn't a bad thing. Its an easy skill that i shld have picked up long ago! Lol.
Three more wks and im flying off!!!!;)

Great days spent with my friends ytd.
Though I spent a lot of money, I truly enjoyed myself:)
I really appreciate the present given by my meta grp cause I've been hinting my friends that I want tht wallet for a year but none caught that hint and they actually got me that wallet though its nt the exact one tht I desire.
But since its a gift frm them, I still love it:)



Ppl, u got to STOP stirring shit. Im kindof irritated alr.
Pls dont make me flare up.
Being single isn't a sin, so stop matchmaking me!
I seriously had enough alr.
There is a limit to jokes so pls dont go beyond the limits.

Exams are over!!!!
Freedom. That's all I have and all I need now!:)
Im gonna enjoy myself to the fullest before my results are released!
:):):)
Life has never seem better..

Screwed up my stats paper.
To think that I spent the most time studying for stats.
Looks like im goin to emo and cry like crazy when I get back my gpa this sem.

while i was having lunch at hm today, i happened to watch the show dream potter.
looking at this show, im touched.
touched by how simple life can be.
how love and help by one can make life better for others.
im fortunate enough to be born healthy and able-bodied.
fortunate to have the intelligence to enter uni.
and i have to learn to be thankful.
when i start work, i will definitely contribute to help those ppl in need
cause i knw little things to me can make a huge diff to them!

One paper down, four more to go!
This paper wasn't easy but oh well I cant do anything abt it now.
Bye dm! :)
Met jx for lunch n went for free cone day.
The ice cream was fantastic! It brightened up my day.
But damn sway cause I got caught smuggling my friend into the lib and the stupid guard reprimanded us for like ten over min and recorded my name down saying there will be actions taken.
-.- its not like im bringing my friend in to do illegal things.
I brought her there cause she wanted to explore the lib which might be one of her Camping ground' in future shld she choose the is path...

Its the first time I failed to smuggle ppl in. Zzz
Oh well, I hope nth will happen.
That is IF the guard don't make a mountain out of a molehill.

One more wk and im gonna embrace my long awaited freedom!
I can foresee myself being broke alr! Lol

Two more days! Argh.
I still feel so unprepared but its ok,
I tried my best for my is mods alr.
Good or bad I would still have to face it.
Love today's church lesson.
I can feel that god is trying to use this lesson to talk to me.
I know I have been neglecting god which is bad.
Now I shall learn to trust and be dependent on him for my finals.

In one more wk, I will regain my freedom!
Dramas, friends, gatherings wait for me!!!

Had a great dinner with my awesome sec sch mates. ;)
It was nice thinking abt the past, laughing n joking ard although they wld always make fun of me...
Its ok, as long as we can have fun, I dont mind.
Having dinners like this helped me to release stress:)


Results are not impt, so dont let them affect my mood.
I know i have tried my best, that's enough.
Its time to let go of results.
Dont give myself too much stress.
I must learn to enjoy what im studying instead...

after so long, i finally cried.
not exactly cause of results, but cause of the encouragements that i received from my friends.
yea my results are lousy, they are damn bad.
it makes me feel bleak and useless.
esp when all those hardwork that i have put has gone down the drain.
that my efforts are not showing at all.
i can do so well in projs but when it comes to lab, i screw it up.
the thought of giving up just overwhelms me.
i knw i said before, even if i die i will not quit sch.
cause quitting is nvr an option for me!
but im just so tired now, so tired of hiding my sadness.
i knw i have to JIAYOU, but how?!?
why do i see ppl taking things so simple, but i cant?
i take more time to learn as compared to them, practised more but still get lousier grades?!?
im stupid. thats something i have to admit.
im a dumb gal.

i realise when i needed support and concern, the ppl that i expect arent there.
but im glad that there are ppl out there to give me a little push to press on.
i really thank god for that.

The moment I touch on books, I feel sleepy.
Knowing the vast amt of things I have to study,
My brain just refused to cooperate!
Temptations are strong.
How do I resist them!?!
Saw a lot of ppl coming for is interview today,
Including one of my jc classmate.
Looks like there are a lot of ppl courting death this yr!


Im rather pissed at hw unfair life can be.
She didnt contribute much for grp proj, got friends who did the paper to give her the a and did so much better than me for labtest.
I shall resign to fate.
Reality sucks.

Got back my labtest result ytd ..
Maybe I alr accepted the fact that im a weak and lousy student,
That's why when I see my grades I didn't cry, didn't really emo over it.
I've alr tried my best, but results didn't show.
I dont even dare to think abt gpa anymore.
Deep inside a part of me is giving up, telling me im tired alr.
Stop chasing after results.
Stop getting jealous when u see ur friends improving while u are standing still at the same spot.
Stop emoing over the alphabets because grades won't change just because u felt sad.
Stop standing on the same spot and explore the world.
Learn as u grow, counter all adversities as GOD is with me...

Had a great time both ytd and today!!!:)
My biggest worry was cleared when I submitted both my major proj!
Thank god for the awesome teammates and help that I have received!
:):):):):):)
Nice k session with my lovely sec sch clique too! It really helped me to destress A LOT!finished my dm presentation today too and I enjoy myself joking with my dm grpmates and my two bff in smu!
Life seems to be awesome!
How I hope sch can remain fun this way...

Redo, edit, change.
I think I hear these words so often that I might dream of it.
Well, the torture SHOULD end soon, unless these words appear again.
Having a perfectionist in the grp might be good, but members like me suffer the most.
Feel damn pissed with certain ppl, but I shall not mention their name.
Really feel the lack of slp as my eyes are having blurred visions now.
Im sorry god I didnt go for service today cause Im afraid my body cant take it anymore.
I dunno why god want me to get into this course but im sure he has his purpose .
The endless nights are gonna end real sooooonnn...

A lot of things to do!
Im stretching my limits.It will all end soon.
I really learnt a lot through proj, esp on hw good ur members are. Lol

stomach growling real badly...
my eyes are damn tired.
shoulders are damn pain due to the long time sitting position.
now everyone from my team left.
so its just me, freezing in the library.
oh GOD, make all these sufferings end soon!
if not, i would really turn mad!

In two hrs time my dm cum ooad 'camp' shall start.
I think I won't be going hm till I finish this two proj.
Hang on mad,
All these will end soon.
Rmb results aren't everything,
Cause u alr did ur best...

These few days seem to be less hectic cause im our grp split up the parts for SQL.
Hopefully it would be ok.
I wanna finish dm early so I can focus on ooad on the next few days.
I really thank god that I can still survive and not fall sick!
Ytd my mum was talking to her friend on the phone saying that by twenty its impossible that im still single right in front of me.
Lol. Looks like after my exams my mum will start nagging abt me being single again.
If im still single by twenty one, I bet they will start arranging matchmaking session for me. Lol! Is it so important to be attached?

Listened to a missionary sharing abt her story in church today.
I felt hw amazing god was.
And hw fortunate I am to live in peace each day.
I heard a lot of ppl complaining abt their labtest result.
Why are ppl always dissatisfied with their results?
Can't we just accept the grades and move on?
The more u compare the more stressed and the more worried u will be!
Today I had the best ooad mtg ever.
Hope that things can stay as good and we can do a great job and get good grades for it
Cause this is my hope to pull up my grades.
Thur and fri overnight mtg. Hope I can survive...

I LOVE today and i thank GOD for it.
had my labtest. though i went in confident, but the files just dont compile. dunno y.
im pretty sure my methods are not wrong. but well there must be some mistakes.
oh well, forget it since it is over.
went to meet jasmine and then i saw huihui, ms and later came xy.
nice gathering with them. its been long since we met.
thanks to sch and army, everyone has been so busy to meet.
had to thank ms for that nice meal! though its not very worth it.
bought new slippers before i went to meet my jc clique.
SO LONG SINCE I've MET THEM!
missed them lots!!!
had fun joking ard and complaining ard sch work.
LENAS is a nice place to eat and chill=)
have to thank the girls for the wonderful gift too.
a formal bag that i can bring when i wear formal in future.
this is the first present i received this year. love it lots!

TODAY is a day of chilling, happiness and peace.
how good would it be if everyday can remain like this!

Happy b'day to me!
Oh wait, am I happy?
Day spent in sch studying presenting rushing labs.
Seems like its the worse b'day ehh.
But anyway b'day is just a date.
All my friends are busy and im busy too, so i didn't get to celebrate at all.
No presents too. Apart from the ones my parent gave.
Looks like b'day loses its meaning when u grow up too. Lol.
But I thank my two friends who came down my hse to Surprise me.
Cause without that, my b'day would be damn sad.
Oh well, i still have a hell lot of things to complete! Argh!
Another day with less slp.
I think its only a matter of time that i will turn into China's national panda. Lol!

I think I really have to go and see the doc cause my wound seems to have infection:(
So many things to do yet so little time.
And when I see all my friends who are so hardworking it makes me worried that I might not be putting in enough effort.
Tmr is the big day for bgs, I sure hope I don't screw up the presentation! Im praying real hard to god that I can have the courage and the ability to present well!
Hang on there mad, three more wks and u can embrace ur freedom!

=(
today mad had a terrible fall.
my stupid slippers broke while i was on my way to catch the train.
its funny though, i fell, stood up and walk.
initially i thot only my slippers broke and i would have some scratches cause i slipped after my slippers broke.
then an auntie who walked pass me told me 'girl ah, you leg is bleeding!' .
then i realised how terrible that fall is.
not only my leg, my toes were bleeding too...
damn. wad a day.
my whole leg was in pain but i didnt show signs of me being in pain.
because i knw there is no point to scream out or cry out loud.
endure with it, put on a strong front like i always do...

Feeling disheartened again..
Why do I always find is proj so hard to do!?!
Stuck doing dm for one whole day.
Thank goodness my friend came and help out, if not, I think qh and I might just hug each other and cry. Lol
Persevere! I must get 3.4 and above!
Get my acct second major!
Jiayou! The road ahead might be tough but hang in there.
Miracles will happen.
I thank god for my lab one results...

Damn pissed at church today.
Cause my friend commented that smu ppl are proud ppl and im one.
I was asking my friend what course she was intending to go.
She said she wanted to go social Sci when her gp just passed so I told her its impossible to get it. Then she said her second choice was Sci and I went huh? In the end I realize she was mentioning abt my course which is totally not a Sci course at all!
So I told her this course is tough and hard to score.
Another friend joined in the conver saying that i was insulting her by saying that the course is hard and tough and she can't survive there and that smu ppl are smart n proud but that doesn't give me the right to look down on others.
WA. I felt so wronged! But if she wanna infer it that way i have nth to say. My main intention was to help her make the right choice and nth else. I know im blunt and frank at words but that's me, i dont have evil intentions when i say anything.
i knew the other friend dont really like me from the start cause she always say i belong to the smart ppl whom she are hard to interact with just because im from jc..
Argh! I hate it when ppl put words into my mouth and insult my character. If being blunt means being proud then i have nth to say...

Went sch for proj again. This wk is a seven day work wk. Tired ttm! There are more things to do, the road will get tougher. I must hang on there...

OOAD's lab test 1 results are OUT!
tempted to, but i promise myself im not going to see my grades.
so that my mood will not get affected and i will not waste time feeling upset over things that i cannot change.
but i dunno why so many ppl came and ask me abt my grades this time round.
i gave them the same thing i told myself, i will NOT check my grades.
believe it or not..
Next wk is gonna be the HELL wk, the worse wk ever!
Press On. I can do it!
Never let failure stop you, do not fear anything apart from the LORD your GOD

I think the midnight oil that I have burnt is causing my health to be weaker.
Gonna fall sick soon..
Why can't god make me stronger !?!

Meetings after meetings after meetings today.
It seems like meetings are endless aren't they?
This is the first time im gonna hate my birthday for my entire life.
NEVER do I have so many things to do on my b'day.
Now not only bgs, I also have ooad mtg.
Which means I need to cancel my tuition for next fri..
It seems that I can't survive with so many things to do.
Now I can't seem to understand stats too.
Im still thinking abt summer break cause I have to pay additional 900.
But i really wanna be less stressful.
Maybe i shld stop thinking abt money but use it as an investment which might give me better gpa and a better life.

I told myself during the period of lent I would fast.
Fast from calc my results,
Fast from playing hp games,
I told myself I tried my best,
Told myself I can do it,
Told myself i won't cry over results
Told myself no matter how tough uni is im going to survive these four years,
But why do I feel like telling myself im such a complete failure.
It just seems as though I can't get anything right,
Can't do well in any mods... Why?
Tears start forming but I forbid them to fall.
God, why do u give me so many trials?
Can u pls guide me through? Shed me some light and let miracles happen.
My faith for u shall nvr die. I will hold on, till the day u come

I need to thank the ppl who consoled me saying that they didn't write name on their exam scripts too...
got back stats and econs mcq results. Initially I thought it was not bad, but when I saw other friends who got better marks and that my results could have been better if im not so careless, I got a bit sad.
I dont dare to set expectation for my gpa this sem,
Cause I know no matter what I get, I might not feel satisfied.
Oh well, sadness only last for a while. Its alright, things will be fine and life just goes on...

Looking at my schedule I see a lot of tests coming up.
But deep down I know im still slacking!
Argh. Buck up Madeline.
Find the motivation to study.
U need to do well, u have to!
I think the ooad latest just destroyed my motivation.
Cause I studied hard yet screw it up.
Will studying really help ?

Ur parents don't have to know com.
If there is one relative that knows how to use com, they will still be able to find out what u wrote on fb..
My aunt saw my fb status and went to tell my mum what happened to my test ytd.
Instead of consoling me my mum was questioning me how come her daughter who is smart enough to go uni still can make this kind of stupid mistake.
So much for trying to forget what happened ytd and they reminded me of what happened..
Hias. Oh well, life still goes on.
I shall live everything to god.

im such a failure.
feel so much like crying now.
how can someone be as stupid as me to commit such a STUPID mistake?!?
to think that i wana prove others wrong.
others are not wrong, i am wrong.
name.. how can someone forget to write name on the exam script!
madeline u are so so so dumb.

Looking at ppl getting bk their a lvl results it just reminded me of myself,
I spent three days crying over results.
Seems silly huh. Cause im crying over no.
But these no can determine my future. Lol.
Forget the past and move on.
I will not let history repeat itself again.
Im not gonna give myself a chance to cry over results.

I think my bgs Prof loves me.
That's why he is giving me the best b'day gift.
By putting both the minor proj deadline and my major presentation both on my b'day.
Not to mention the ooad lab test two after my b'day.
Looks like im gonna spend my 20th with bgs and ooad.
Thanks smu... Its gonna be memorable.

Why do I find celebrating b'day a chore nowadays.
Is it so diff to celebrate someone's bday?
All it take is for everyone to find 2-3 hours off, sit down together and have a good meal, get a good cake. That's all.
Is it too much to ask for?
I don't ask for fanciful gifts,
Just something that is given from the heart.
I dunno if this simple wish of my can be fulfilled...
Work since to become the priority of everyone's life now.
It makes it harder for friends to meet up and catch up with one another.
Im always trying to make the effort.
But now im weary of it.
Maybe we shld just transfer the money to our friends on their b'day.
This might make things much easier...
But. The sincerity and purpose of celebrating b'day is gone.

hias, another cui results..
nothing special though.
i just hope, just pray that i can get above 3.2 for GPA.
Please GOD, let my efforts pay off.
i know i might have been slacking quite a lot,
but seriously, i am determined to work hard now.
let me know the efforts that i have put in are not wasted so that i can continue working harder.
MAD can do it, yes i can.

Finally the last midterm paper is over!!!
It feels as though I just dump a huge rock off my shoulders.
Be it good or bad, im just gonna accept the results given by god.
Its all in his plan, his will.
Had a nice time today.
Nice lunch and dinner.
If i had to choose, today will be the best day of this sem.

i dunno why so many ppl wanna matchmake me.
Looks like a lot of ppl wanna see me attached but I think its quite impossible.
i didnt know that my friends see as their top,
But to me, i really think i shld be at the bottom.
Cause im not as good as they think.
i feel bad cause i lied about the ranking..
But im happy though cause im being praised for the first time:)

We always reach out to god only when we reach the end of the rope..
How true.
I realized ever since I entered uni I have started to get closer to god.
Maybe because of the hectic schedule and never ending assignmentS,
I will always turn to god for help.
Im really gladful that I know god,
Because he is always there to support me when im falling.
Thank you lord.

爱情就像在等德士，有时他等你，有时你等他。
但是等来等去，总有一天一定会等到他。

这是《等一等爱情》的台词。
很多时候我们都在等，等待完美爱情的到来。
可是等了在等，等久了就一定能等到吗？

Don't always think u are the best just cause u did well.
Being smart does not give u the right to insult others to be stupid.
Im so gonna prove u wrong.
I will never think of quitting school because now I have a purpose and a target, which is to beat u, to prove to u that I'm not the stupid person that u have claimed. YOU are the stupid one.

Its time for mad to work hard.

hias, DM results out.
i cant help but feel disappointed...
why is it that when i thot that i wana improve my GPA but my results keep dropping..
GOD keeps telling me that i shld take a rest,
but am i taking too much rest?
what can i do? what shall i do?
GOD, show me the path!

Yes. One grp proj submitted. This stupid 7.5 marks cause me to slp less than 3 hr a day and wasted one whole wk of my time studying for it. Actually I could have slept more but cause the leader of my grp kept changing stuff n codes, causing me to waste so much time coding for a class that in the end it wasn't submitted. Lol. But at least I got a chance to learn so I dont blame him. Lol. Real tired and I'm amazed how I can survive and look so energetic still. Lol. Huiying jiayou!

i feel like crying...
feel so much like giving up...
maybe coding is just not my cup of tea.
and i shall stop bringing trouble to my grpmates like seriously.
u dunno hw helpless i feel.
u might feel angry for having trust in me,
that i cannot help u out.
but apart from im sorry,
i can only tell you that, hey.. i did my best.

Sat till sun full swing ooad mtg.
Mon to tue full swing dm mtg.
Wed full swing bgs research paper mtg.
Thur ooad AGAIN!
Fri full pack tuition
Sat YMCA and sun church.
Wait, aren't next wk my recess wk?
Why can't I see any breaks for myself?
At this rate I wonder when my body will collapse.
Don't even have time to visit the doc
Flu, u seriously strike at the WRONG TIME!

God just made me realized how lucky I was today to have a healthy body...
While studying with my friends today, we were talking while I witness sometime epic.
My friend suddenly have fits right in front of me!
Yea fits, u didn't see wrongly.
I was shocked. Really shocked and I didnt know what to do.
Luckily there was another friend ard at that time too.
I ran to get the security guards to call the ambulance and to help out.
This is really scary.
Cause it made me realize how short life can be.
I shall rejoice that I'm alive...

Valentines day.
The day which almost all women love because they can get surprises from their bf.
On the contrary, its the day where all guys hate cause not only will they have to be scammed by the florist, they have to come out with surprises to humor their gf.
Looking at the no of males with bouquets of flowers, I can't hlp to laugh cause this is the only day most guys wld look stupid.
Haha

im so tired of this world now.
sometime i just wish for GOD to receive me into heaven now, so that all my sufferings will end...

Screwed my dm proj.
2 test this wk n 2 proj submission cum midterm next wk.
Damn, I really need to work hard.
I need to score for this sem!

Guess what.
The torture has just begun...

everyone needs to grow...so do i.
recently i start to realise that i was wrong all the while.
i thought i had been caring for all my friends.
but i didnt.
when they were facing troubles, i did nth to help.
when they are sad and need someone to talk to, i wasnt ard.
when they are sick, i wasnt giving them care and concern.
what have i done as a friend for them? nothing.
yea, absolutely NOTHING!
there are so much i could have done but so much i didnt do.
maybe its cause after jc i start to slack as a friend.
because i thought i shldnt always be the one caring abt them.
but rather i shld let them learn to care for me also.
in the end, i realised that this dont work.
maybe i shld really stick to my mon-sat sms routine.
talk to everyone at least once a wk to know that they are doing fine.
i started to evaluate myself and i would grade myself as a lousy friend.
maybe like what the yanping said, im a lousy friend the worse that u could find.
the one that u shld get away from.
maybe jy feels that what she say is right thats why she still keeps in contact with her and nicholas.
i've started to reflect my role as a friend. Have you?
just start thinking, what have u done for ur friend?

Im a bad friend.
One that does not even know that my friends are sad.
One that neglected the ppl ard me.
I thought all my friends have found love and they are all happy
I thought i shld encourage more to leave mu singles club so that they can find love
I was thinking maybe i shld also try to find love rather than being someone who has no exp at all...
But i was wrong.
Maybe love is still a forbidden fruit afterall...
Now my singles club expanded, way faster than i imagined.
Looking at things my friends faced.
It just deters me from loving any guys apart from my Korean idols.
Maybe the love from family and friends are still the best.
Welcome to the club my friends.
I promise I'll try to care more about ur...
Because all of u are my beloved friends,
I Want to lift u up from ur sorrows and bring u into a land of joy.
Maybe cause i know god and i rely on him, i can talk to him whenever i am sad.
But for my friends who haven accepted god,
U know what, u can always talk to me.
I'd rather u share joy and sorrows with me rather than me knowing u through ur blogs.
This doesn't apply only after this incident but has been in my thoughts all the while...
If you find me as a true friend then TAlk TO ME!

when i thought i was reaching the finishing line, i realised that im actually still running on the same spot.

When the world evolves, i remain constant.

This is bad, really bad...

Oh man. I think I screwed my bgs presentation today. Forgot what I had to say and stammer like crazy:( there goes my class part marks... After the ooad mtg I feel that I feel that I dunno what the proj wants. Bgs proj is worse, cause I don't even know how to start! :( Works are piling, exams are coming, in this kind of hectic life, who wld have the mood to celebrate cny? Hias.

Work is piling, work is piling, work is piling!!!
OMG, looking at the amt of work, proj mtgs and the committment i have...YMCA, church buru trip, SAAT, tuition, OCSP...
i think its only a matter of time i'd tire my body to death!
but for the sake of my GPA, i have to work hard, i have to!
MUST MUST MUST improve my GPA!
i think i need to speak more too. cause im too quiet.
not only for class part, but during class too.
so quiet that i feel i have too little friends.
cause nobody knows me and i didnt bother to interact much.
and when ppl dunno me, most ppl would think im a quiet gal who is a mugger.
but if you knw me, im not. LOL
im far from a mugger, maybe i wish to try and be one too, so my results can improve.
but i knw its hard for me to be a mugger,
cause dramas are too attractive, and books are getting more boring...
esp BGS! i can slp while reading just a few pages. LOL
and i think i might need to find opportunities to catch up with old friends.
friends like xiao tong and my pri sch friends.
i need to speak in church too, stop being an isolated lady.
cause ive not much friends in church because i dont speak.
GIRL, open up ur mouth, why are u closing ur heart for others to enter?
why wont u let others know you and understand you?
why have u become a loner?
have i grown tired of talking? maybe...

is it just me or are the ppl ard me turning mad?
why are ppl ard me all actively searching for a BF?!?
do gals really need guys?
maybe i seem to be a feminist, but sometimes i envy gals with bf,
cause bfs are the one who will always listen to their whinning and complaints.
but is there really a need to worry abt this when we are only 19, oh well 20.
LOL. the age that we seems old but are not exactly old.
i believe in fate. GOD has a plan.
even if im fated to be single for life, i will accept it.
love others more than u love urself.
im hoping to achieve this... this rule that GOD teaches me.