According to my friend, i only blogged during the end of a paper...
MAYBE... HAHA. cause its only after exams end then i would have the free time.
and since i doubt there are ppl reading it so no point blogging also wad. HAHA
sometimes i just feel like posting my feelings on fb.
but i would think hmm...its just my thought, i dun need the whole world to know.
maybe i shld just blog, but to blog its very troublesome. LOL
anw my dad took me on for driving practice with his car ytd!
drove from my house to sch, from sch to home, then to both grandma hse and to my mum's factory... LONG route! HAHA
i think my dad would faint when he sees me parking. HAHA
and i cant help but to laugh when i see how tense my dad was when he sees me drive.
but seriously, AUTO cars are much easier to drive compared to MANUAL!
i would have to concede that my parking skills sucked.
shall train more on it, improve my driving skills
until my dad is confident enuff to let me drive alone=)
but after driving ard so much, i realised that i know more bus routes than car routes.
and my dad was like saying why u take this way? its longer...blah blah
HAHA. i shall learn more car routes and drive my friends ard for SUPPER in future=)

Exams finally ended on 29nov, 1133am.
(Y)!!!!! i can finally let down the heavy stone in my mind.
one sem in uni is good enough to kill almost all of my brain cells.
i doubt i will do well for this sem, but still i tried my best.
i shall enjoy my freedom, my life...
before im forced to go back to reality, to go back to school.
i shall conquere my fears, spend without worries with GOD's protection and love.
MADELINE is growing up.
She has to grow up.
She will grow up.

Life is amazing. think that way, and ur life would be amazing.
Many people complain about their lives, but that is because they have failed to realised how good their life was and how fortunate they are.
Humans are greedy, this isn't said without proof.
looking back, how many times have u said that ohh i wont do well for my exam...
in the end when u got a score better than expected, u would still complain that aww, its still bad...
my LTB prof told me that this, is what our society has turned us into...
competitive individuals...
selfish in nature...
greedy personality...
why force urself to a dead end? why give yourself so much stress?
I'm sure GOD didnt create us to let us suffer.
there must be something on there that he wants us to learn behind every failure.
so learn to embrace failures, learn from failures.
learn to LOVE YOUR LIFE! =)

YEAH, im finally done with my LTB! Now its AW, IS200 IP and IS101 class part!!!
not to forget abt as of cause. The mod which i only scored like 50/100 after moderation-.-
Looking at how difficult it is to score, i seriously wonder, how the hell do ppl maintain their GPA of 4.0?!? its insanity, crazy...
but its also precisely that such ppl exist, which spoils our market, causing us to do so badly...
cant the educational system be less taxing?
i came to uni, thinking i could relax...
now what happened?
i saw PW which was competed within 1 year in JC, as a mod that we have to compete within 3 mths, wads worse is, we have to carry out the execution!
i saw econs which took me two years to master, into a mod that ppl have to master within 3 mths.
i saw calculus, which ppl took 4 years to finish A maths and H2 maths, being compressed into yet another 3 mth mod.
OH MY OH MY!
can ur stop compressing the mods!
GIVE THE STUDENTS SOME LEEWAY! THEY NEED SPACE TO BREATHE MIND YOU!

its been long since i updated my blog, real long...
well, in fact its because coping between work and uni has been really tough.
the toughest part is to sieve through friends.
well, im glad i had this awesome is101 group, but on the hindsight, my LTB grp isnt really awesome.
there are scheming people around, and this is what u have to expect.
people who act like friends with you, behind ur back, they are giving u really poor grades for peer evaluation..
not to mention that they will take up the role to edit report,
to add sentences which praises them and pull u down.
worse is, u dunno which side to this person is real.
isnt it scary? how can such ppl exist?
and on feedbacks, they will try to suck up the prof...
oh come on, isnt this uni?
a place where abilities is concerned? so sucking up still works huh?
it just got me so sick to be in the same team with someone like that,
the worse thing is that i have to act like we are friends...
when deep down my mind im thinking, hell, if can i will not be friends with you.
GOD, are these the challenges that u have put forth for me?

6 wk in sch seems like 6mths!
i'm facing my is200 midterm in a few hours time><
stressed? a little...
scared? yeah...
cause every exam is like a die or survive.
LOLS! sometimes i wonder did i set my goals too high?
GPA > 3.5, yea aim high if not hw to apply for scholarships?
but i doubt its just a little dream of mine.
dunno if i can fulfil it...

UNI is a scary place,
the level of competitiveness is so high that i could hardly breathe.
the worse thing is you are fighting this war AlONE!
there isn't any pillar of support,not to mention a pillar to trust.
you simply do not know who u can turn to for help.
projects and assignments simply love each other so much,
that they all seem to come altogether...
the content of each mod is so heavy that after 6 wks, ur midterms wld come.
after another 5 wks, its endterm, which means ur tombstone is ready.
hw can they squeeze so many things in so little time?
the irony is that ppl say wadeva u study will only be useful for 3 years,
in a course that is 4 years, it means that wadeva u study will be irrelevant to the society when u graduate...
now tell me, whats the purpose of studying all these then?
oh come on, can everyone jus take a BREAK!
if the world is ending in 2010, then i dun understand why shld i waste my time suffering nw with piles of readings and assignments...
GOD, can you guide my path? i really need you know...

OMG, midterms is coming soon!!!
damn, im still trying to figure out java.
not to mention abt AW which is drivin me insane.
it is hard to read the articles without falling aslp.
IS101 is crazy also, nt because of the topics but becoz of class part.
met up with my jc friends to celebrate mh's bday..
so far only the ntu ppl can relax.
cause sch just started for them.
they haven gt a taste of how "nice" uni life is.
comparing btw schs, i realise everyone gt the same probs.
haha! maybe this is life! lols...
im starting to feel the stress.
but a little bit of stress wld be good
cause it will force me to study!
JIAYOU huiying. YOU CAN DO IT~!
hope that i can PASS my driving test on mon.
I MUST PASS!!!!!!

Dear GOD...

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me pass my driving test on next monday.
because if i dont, i know i'll be utterly depressed.
this may affect my ltb's presentation on mon too...
i know my parents are concerned abt me.
they want me to pass the test and i wana pass it myself too!
i've alr been feeling so stupid since i got into uni.
pls let me pass this to save a bit of self-esteem.
the days have changed and uni life is no longer relaxing anymore.
sometimes i think that the stress level is so high that i could hardly breathe.
making friends seems to be so tough and not to mention speaking up in class.
i feel as though there is glue that stuck my lips tgther in class.
as we grow older, the stress lvl only seems to get higher.
WHEN will we get to start enjoying our lives?

Today marks the end of the first wk of sch.
wad i can say is that uni ppl are all very competitive!
so before u step in, pls be mentally prepared...
i wonder wad are the CCAs which i shld join, since there are 135 for me to choose frm.
maybe life is gonna get more busy, tougher as days pass...
since all the exams deadlines and presentations are like drawing near.
wk 4 wk 5 wk 6...seems like there is still a lot of time, but it isnt.
hopefully i cn make more friends, join some real awesome CCA and cope well with my sch work.
the rest of the troubles, i'll leave them all to GOD...

the hardest bond on earth to be forged is called friendship.
the laughter, the jokes, the fun...
i hope that this friendship will last.
hopefully it can survive as time pass...

SENSITIVITY...

sometimes i feel that some ppl are just so insensitive to other's feelings.
maybe u are feeling super happy, but u cant assume that everyone is happy.
just that things tat u like, others might not like it.
it all depends on the individual thinking and perception...
today the feeling of failure is once again back,
cause my own wound has been rubbed with salt.
it sucks to get reminded of the taste of failure,
who likes that kind of feelings anyway.
many times u jus feel like finding someone to talk to,
but afterall u will get the same cliche replies.
many times i took out my hp,
typed a long msg that depicts my feelings,
but when it reaches recipents, i dunno who to send it too.
in the end, everything jus end up being deleted.
the feeling of lonely, despair and sadness.
who can understand this?

Great, i had a nice time enjoying both my hols and my camps..
nw, its time to be back in the reality!
had my first enrichment course today...
seriously, i doubt i understand anything at all!
the switch frm learning abt years to cells to a com is HUGE!
now is the time i have to learn all the foreign comp language,
look at every SMALL detail such as CAPS, bracket etc.
Damn, my four years down the road dont seem easy!
i was thinking if i shld take up the work study grant,
but i think maybe i shldnt,
since the first year of uni life is gonna be tough!
i'd rather spend more time on my work and on my cca!
hopefully i can study real hard, get a scholarship and stop worrying abt sch fees~!
i really wish this could happen to me! =D

Excitment, Anticipation, Enjoyment!
Woo~ i cant wait to go for my trip.
It seems that time passes really really fast this wk! =DDD
i really really hope that this wld be an awesome trip so that my money spent are worthwhile!
Hopefully, the hotels wld be nice to stay in...
TW, HK HERE I COME!!! =DDDDD

People Changes, Things Changes, Values Changes...
It seems like in life, everything is a variable,
where are all the constants?
Supposed to be busy celebrating bdae with me friend today.
after a lot of changes, the whole plan changed.
well. i will start to learn from amanda.
just wait to receive sms telling me the details can alr.
wads the point of discussing when in the end everything changes.
the worse was, no one volunteered to help me for the present.
so it was stated that mad has to complete it huh?
who would know hw much i have contributed?
sometimes i just get so tired. i just wished to ignore this world,
but can i?

Opps, it seems like spider webs are collecting in my blog! haha
maybe cause there was nothing much about me recently so i just didnt blogged.
i went for the acad writing test in smu today.
the qn is asking if happiness is the meaning and purpose of lives, something that everyone yearns for, is happiness unattainable?
the task was to have a stand to defend, challenge and agree if happiness is an axclusive entity.
well, it might seem simple to do this essay,
but the easier the question seems, the harder it is.
the diff part was the sources provided...
first article argue abt the innumerable choices that we have,
second article states that money can buy happiness
third is about nirvana, buddhist beliefs.
well, seems like it is rather obvious that im stuck at the third article.
i think i have to take this module in uni i guess. haha
i've been doing so much research for my trip lately,
there is something funny i realise,
that the places that im gg for the trip are all the places that i've been to for my last trip. lols~!
i cant wait for my trip! =D

the bigger the expectation, the more the misery.
i was alr full of anticipation,
ready to get teased by the kids,
ready to teach them eng and chinese like i ususally do.
woke up at 430am in the morning preparing for my trip,
the bad thing was, it got cancelled.
cause simin was sick and with jus 3 of us, we cant cope with 30 kids.
so the in charge decided to cancel the trip to buru.
my peaceful ocean was replaced by views of hdb flats,
noisy children playing was replaced by noise of typings frm keyboard,
wonderful food cooked by aunty was replaced by my mum's dishes,
teaching of lesson replaced by boring afternoon spent in front of com.
It's been months since i've been there,
im starting to miss it...
i hope the kids miss MS WITCH too... ...

I love my parents.
Okay, this might be super random...
but i need to thank them.
because like many ppl, i take a lot of things for granted.
life can be simple, can be tough, can be disastrous,
it all depends on ur perspective.
well, im going to buru again this wk!
hopefully the kids still rmb me.
i knw they do=D though they always call me Ms Witch. -.-
i miss those kids actually,
because despite living in a developing country,
they have close bonds between friends, neighbours and families.
they have a relaxing and stressless life.
i believe there is fairness in this world,
if you are kind to others, heaven will also be kind to you=]
Believe in GOD and you will see miracles! =D

I think 2010 is a year of failure for me.
seems like nothing is going smooth isnt it?
hias, i failed my driving test.
i wasnt sad abt the failing part,
wad makes me sad was the part where i felt i didnt do my best.
Maybe things would be better if time would repeat itself...
maybe, maybe...
but hell, the reality is that everything is over alr.
lost my chance so i need to wait for 2 more mths!
and waste more money=(
abide to GOD's will, it must be HIS purpose that i didnt pass.
I WILL WORK HARDER!

today is the BIG day.
with so many ppl knowing that im gg for my driving test,
i'm soooooooooooo anxious! argh!
so scared if i cant pass. that will be embarassing!!!
well, as one grows up, there are more things to consider,
more things to take charge of,
more things to worry about,
come to think abt it,
why did we yearn to grow up when we were young?

Yes! MY INTERNET IS FINALLY WORKING~ ^^
i spent this wk with joy because i was able to meet up with a lot of friends.
though all these meetings burnt a great hole in my pocket,
i think i enjoyed my days and this is all that counts!
my driving test is coming on tue!
oh my, i hope, i wish and i want to pass!!! ><
now i must start to think of how to save money for my trip!
money money, pls fall from the sky!
(sounds familiar hor ning?) =D

It is said that after every storm, there will be a rainbow.
if this is true, i would have seen plenty of rainbow.
cause in my family, there are plenty of storms.
they can fight over many things,
even small things like putting A's towel on B's towel can cause the whole world to turn upside down! lols!
oh well, i like sundays,
going to church makes me feel good.
cause i can ask GOD to share my heavy burden with me=D
guy's night turn out to be nice too=D
thanks to the LORD=DD
wanted to catch toy story 3 today but didnt.
looking at my schedule this wk it seems rather packed, dunno why?
i wana watch karate kid and toy story 3!!!
cant wait to meet my friends up.
and hopefully this wk will turn out to be great~ ! =DDD

OH WELL, DONT BOTHER!
i seriously dont seem to understand human nature anymore.
i felt like a transparent person today.
when i wana contribute my part, there was nth i could do.
sometimes i just think living is such a chore.
but it would be ignorant to end a life.
maybe GOD just like to bring ppl to test,
but sometimes, we are too tired to be tested anymore.
ENOUGH!
when can all these nonsense stop?
who can help to talk some sense for this matter?
there are seriously times when i wish i was a mute, a deaf or a blind.
the world is full of complications, too much tt i can handle.
so much that im totally turned off.
i no longer see rainbows.
my life is filled with black and white...

After deep considerations, i've decided to remain jobless.
this decision might sound funny though, cause i need money for a lot of things...
sch fees, pocket money, driving fees, hols fee...
maybe thats why im always complaining of being broke. lols!
maybe if there are one or two day kind of events job i'll take it up,
to make up bits of money for what i've spent. haha!
humans are funny creatures,
because we are frequently living in our own world,
being idealistic and self-centred,
the world has started to evolve into a nightmare.
ppl are losing their morales.
after 10 years of compulsory education, what did we learn?
apart from eng, math, chinese and sci...
what are the knowledge that we have gotten out of all these?
i see my uncles and aunties complaining abt my grandma's hospital bills.
the irony is that my grandma is the one paying it!
cause non of them are willing to pay for her.
to quote the funny thing that my mum mentioned.
" Ur grandma brought up 12 kids together with ur grandpa,
now the 12 kids cannt even provide for the 2 of them!"
Isn't this just a joke?
dont tell me 12 person will earn less income than wad my grandpa earned while he worked alone to feed them.
Come to think of it, did the sch really thought us to be fillial?


THANK YOU DEAR SISTER FOR UR M&Ms=DDD U ARE THE BEST!
*she asked me to acknowledge her m&m in my blog. lols!

Because I'm weary...
this is a korean song from GOS,
i like listening to this song nowadays cause it depicts my mood.
i'm not a person of speech.
be it hw chatty i am, i'm the kind of person who likes to bottle up emotions inside me, hide it so that no one would notice.
covering myself with an invincible mask has got me tired.
deep down, i'm just like any other girl,
yearning for protection, longing for ppl to understand me.
the world of politics has gotten me tired.
Sometimes i kept quiet, not because i dont have my views or opinions,
but because i wana save the trouble of getting into a huge fight,
or avoid getting into quarrels.
even the kindest person on earth yearns to be evil jus for a day.
Happy go lucky as i may seem, i think a lot.
i like to help out silently, but that causes everyone to take me for granted.
Ask my friends how i keep my wkends off just to have a simple dinner with my parents, how i'm trying to save up to pay for my own uni fees to help lessen their workload, and how hard im trying to pass my driving so that when my dad is tired, i can help him out to drive my family members home.
i'm doing all these to get accredited by my mum as an unfilial daughter... ...
I keep my sat nights for my cousin, trying hard to stay awake to wait for their arrival to my hse, allow my mum to scold me whenever they come, what i got was a fight with my cousin saying that i didnt stand up for them when my mum was quarrelling with her, saying that they should not come to my hse every wk.
u think i would like to keep quiet? i jus didnt wana argue with my mum.
I tried planning gatherings for my friends, but everytime someone wld fly the aeroplane. Fancy giving u the date months in advance, still i can get the ans of oh i cannt make it.
Saying that we will look for jobs together, yet one by one my friends abandoned me once they found a job. I'm fine with u gettin a job, but can u stop showing off hw gd ur job is in front of me?

Put urself in my shoe, u think it is easy to be a nice person?
If i'm too nice until everyone gets overboard, let me tell u.
Even the calmest ocean can become a tsunami someday.
I didnt voice out a lot of things,
not because im an easy target for u to bully,
but because i respect my family, my friends
so i chose to remain silent, to do things in the dark.
what i really hope is that ppl can appreciate wad i do. Can you?

The free time i had puts me thinking,
maybe we always complain, but we dont do anything to change facts.
K.rachel posted something on fb today which puts meaning to my mind.
It says that an adult elephant has the ability to break away from the rope that it has been tied with, but it didnt.
Has anyone ever wondered why?


Well, the trainer says that the elephant has been tied with the rope when it was still a baby elephant who is weak and unable to escape.
despite growing up over the years,
even when it enters a stage of being an adult elephant,
it still has the thinking that it is unable to break free from the rope.


Isn't this so true to most of us, or me perhaps?
Many times in life, we complain about how unfair life is.
Don't we all know that the children in Kenya survive on less than a dollar a day?
We have shelter, clothes to wear, food to eat.
why do we always complain that we are poor?
The fact is we are poor mentally, not financially.
The world that we are brought up with cultivates our mind to think that money is everything, without money u are nothing.
we are also constantly bombarded with new devices, better phones, bags, clothes etc.
Most importanly, we grew up in an environment that has no lack of complains.
So we are always trying to make lives better, trying to earn more money,
but no matter how much u earn, u will nvr be satisfied.
because we, like the elephants have grown up with the mentality in mind.
we will nvr have sufficient money, we will nvr be satisfied with lives.
we will jus continue to complain till the day we die.
instead of wasting time to complain,
why not learn to change your mentality, know how fortunate we are.
dont always take things for granted.
life is always fair, its only how u see it.

sometimes i'm tired of being a nice person.
why cant ppl try to accommodate others but always expect others to accommodate to them?
"Practise what you preach"
we know the meaning of this phrase, but do we put it to practise?
frequently giving in to others has gotten me tired,
I treat my friends nicely becoz i expect the same return.
dont expect me to always follow your plans,
because i also have my own plans.
i cant always try to accommodate others,
because when they get used to it,
they seems to take me for granted.

TREASURE what you have before you lose it.
we all know this phrase too, but have we learnt to start treasuring things ard us?

I'm back on my starting line once over again.
back to the job searching days.
it seems like im a bad decision maker, someone who dosent know how to make a right choice which cause me to end up with many regrets in life...
im also a coward, someone who dosent dare to speak up for her rights.
i dont like to argue with ppl, so i chose to keep quiet.
even if my opinions are ignored, i wont fight for myself.
sometimes i jus wana try and be the bad guy,
but i always end up to be the one who give in all the time.
in a world where most ppl are self-centered,
giving in to others always put me at a losing end.
cause end up i'm the one suffering, when no one noticed.
i'm glad i still stick to some stands,
if not either i might be buying a petrol as gift for my father or i might be visiting temples with my friend in hk.
why do ppl make all these requests when they knw i cant fulfil it for them?

饮水思源.
do all humans really understand the true meaning of this phrase?
I've seen and heard things that made me understand the cruelity of humanity.
How money can cause ppl to lose regards to kinship.
have their consience been eaten by the dog?!?
treat others the way u want them to treat u.
this is wad the LORD taught me.
i always told myself, the world is full of love.
but it seems as though im the only one who is stuck in the fairytale world.
accding to a senior in church, singapore has the lowest rate of children who is willing to provide for their parents when they grow up.
why is that so?
do ppl forget who was the one who gave birth to them?
who was the one who provided their needs: food, education etc...
u might not be able to live a life that u want,
but that does not give u the rights to forget who were the ppl who provided u till who u are today!
think and reflect abt it...

OH NO! my voice is changing...
all jas's fault! haha!
anw i've alr quit my prev job.
sounds funny huh?
i shld hung on to this job like crazy, since i need money for the trip.
but i decided not to torture my throat.
and not to waste the boss money, since i wasnt doin much.
but WINSON IS THE BEST BOSS I'VE MET!
anw i have to thank my dad also,
though he nvr talk to me very often.
he is always there to lend a hand for financial help.
jus like my uni fees. hehe.
i thank GOD for putting these ppl ard me.
and i hope that my grandma will get discharged soon.
and my voice, pls come back soon!

Nothing is fair in this world,
however, i learn that we shld always learn to face problems.
GOD has plans for us, and we shall abide by his will.
and whenever he throw us with a solution, follow his will.
always give thanks, be gladful for wad we are given.
Peace and Thanksgiving must be present in Christians!
through my uni admission, i have learnt to give thanks.
cause GOD has given me hope, and has helped me through this storm.
anw the coming few weeks will be a super hectic wk!
driving, tuition, work, korean class, meet up with friends...
wow, looks like its hard even for me to save up! =(
i shall stop blogging so often.
now that my sis is studyin for N level,
i have to help me dad in his work again...
so that means MS secretary is back.
less computer and leisure time for me=(
so anything u wan updates on, kindly sms.
if u are awaiting for details on my blog, wait a while then.
HAHAHAHA! i knw ppl are stalking.=D

sometimes i jus feel that i need a moment of rest,
im like a machine, constantly putting myself at work,
packing my schedules like crazy! haha.
maybe i shld juz learn to relax. hehe.
anyway my new job with jas is rather boring.
but to think of it, since when had telemarketing been nice? lols!
but with the com of a friend it makes working fun i guess=D
thanks to uni admission, my july wld be fully packed!

went to expo with my parents today.
it was actually just like a normal outing there but i was disappointed with my parents.
my mum actually denied that i was her daughter in front of a random surveyor...
my dad scolded me for sms-in while they are eating...
when my mum saw me calling my friend who was with her bf,
she jus asked how come they didnt intro a bf to me.
i might not have shown it, but these things hurt my feelings.

ANYWAY, THERE ARE A LOT OF SALE IN EXPO!
GO AND GRAB THE CHEAP STUFF EARLY=D
JOKE OF THE DAY.
2 days before end of uni acceptance, i saw on joint acceptance that nus accepted me. wad the!!!!

first day of work, my job is carefree i wld say. haha!
but the place is inaccessible, if jas wasnt working there, i doubt i wld! ha~
got one colleague there dosent knw hw lucky she is.
basically i dont really agree with the way she does things, but i kept quiet.
like usual, im not the person who will say things out. ha!
the stupid jam made me late for driving. argh!
keep making the same mistakes though. sad.
but i was lucky enuff to met sock hoon to acc me home. hehe!
anw the instructor was talking to me.
Mr Toh: Ur work nice a nt?
Me: ok lor
Mr Toh: Hw is the pay.
Mw: 7/hr
Mr Toh: One day work hw many hrs?
Me: 7 lor
Mr Toh: So one day u earn 49, minus bus fare and food lets say 9.
u only earn 40 a day max, not even enuff to cover for one driving lesson, why work?
Me: *speechless.

my budget trip is turning into a luxurious trip,
oh GOD, help me to save money!

I attended my cousin's SIMPLE, yet MEMORABLE wedding ytd.
The wedding is really simple,
it was just a small ceremony held at the field of a small church.
nothing fanciful or magnificent.
the wedding album was not taken in a studio, but by a friend using DSL.
the wedding cake was not large, not made by restaurant or famous bakery,
but it was made by a gd friend, filled with lotsa love.
It was a wedding, planned not with money,
but with lotsa loves and support from friends.
even though some ppl are complaining that a wedding cannt be so simple,
i was amazed and touched by the little things i saw.
their love was witnessed and verified by GOD.
i guess GOD of saying approval to this wedding was through the amazing, fantastic weather that we had, cloudy yet there was no rain.
It was lovely, to see two ppl getting married in the presence of the LORD.
and i actually felt that GOD was there watching too!
it was a nice and memorable wedding, much better than others i've seen so far...=D

Sigh.
Felt do disappointed when i heard my tuition kid's result.
well, nt exactly mu fault but i guess i have a part to play as well.
and i need to thank jas for getting the job for me~!!!
hopefully we can make it for the hk trip tgther^^
oh well, i duno why but i seriously feel that time passes super slowly this wk.
but anyway i think planning for a hols trip is nt easy.
coz diff ppl have diff issues lar.
but in anw, i hope it wld be fun! >><<
Tw, Hk HERE I COME!

Did i make the right choice?
Sometimes human are juz so indecisive, and im actually refering to myself too.
i hope i made the right choice to go for the tour.
but it is burning a huge hole in my pocket,
and my heart is feeling the pinch nw.
wads worse is i duno if i really CAN go for the trip,
since my grandma's condition dont look good.
if i had known earlier, i would nt go.
but its too late to say anything nw isnt it?

the reality is cruel, everyone knows this fact.
but humans are selfish, is it true?
i sort of believe it now, cause many ppl dont think of other's feelings whenever they say things.
or they do not spare a thought for others.
they might not know it, but the friends are all suffering silently
BECAUSE they treat u as a friend, so friends keep quiet.
but that dosen't mean u can jus ignore their feelings isn't it?
my advice, think before u speak.
even the calm ocean might explode one day...

Why does it seem as though so many of my friends are going to study in NUS?
is it also because of the sch's prestige? i dunno.
basically i think i have made up my mind.
SMU INFO SYSTEM.
since i have to bear in mind that i need to look after my family in future.
so i need a job with better career prospect.
though i know hw hard the course is.
since everyone says it is the toughest course in uni.
and IT is just sth that is hard to pick up.
but i believe in myself and like my msn nick, Posso Farle!
hopefully after so many wrong decisions i've made this yr,
this is a correct choice. i dont wana live with regrets anymore.
pray for me that i'll be able to stick to my choice.

The greatest joke of the day.
MY DAD THOUGHT THAT SMU IS AN ITE! -.-
to the older generation, only NUS n NTU are the local unis i guess.
not to forget mentioning that these 2 schs have prestige.
why do ppl fail to recognise the existence of this new uni.
despite the fact that it has gotten quite a few credits.
still stuck between the choice of NTU n SMU.
hopefully the tea session might help me to make a decision.
come to think of it, my ambition was to become a teacher when im in pri sch.
in sec sch, i dreamt of becoming an audit, hoping to study in NTU and to stay in the hostel, thinkin of hw carefree life can be, hw i can be free and to learn independence by living in a hostel.
as one matures, as one grows, i think reality starts to crepe in.
u dont study becoz of ur ambition, ur dreams.
because they are all destroyed by something called RESULTS.
you cn no longer think of living in a carefree life,
tuition fees can alr tie u down, so much that it makes me feel that im suffocating.
maybe thats why many of us have become the slaves of money.
with the hefty sum for tuition fee, wld u still think of spending more on hostel n transportation fee? why not jus live at hm and save up on that huh?
talk abt making friends in uni, i've heard so many feedbacks and comments.
UNI is not a place to forge friendship. thanks to the competitive society we are living in. now tell me, where is the joy of studying?
no longer can we find true friendship,
u cant study the course that u desire,
u are dumping in huge sums of money in,
hoping to get a good cert but uncertain if u are sticking to that path in future.
dosent the education system realise that they have shaped the current society into a place where there is no longer joy or purpose for studying but rather, we are studying for the sake of studying.
like the blind following the blind.
everyone needs a cert, so i have to get one too?
i'm starting to be blind too... ...

so unlucky today.
my punggol kid's mum went to call the agent asking her to find a new tutor.
and she remembered that she havent collect the agent fee from me.
so there goes half of my tuition fees... ...

i got so irritated by my driving instructor today.
becoz of the huge rain, a lot of cars are stuck inside the circuit.
and we have to wait a long time for our turn.
so during the break, i think he was so bored that he suddenly clench his right hand into a fist and like a mike, he started to sing hokkien song.
well, if he had an angelic voice, i doubt i'll complain.
but his voice is like... ...well, i guess my ears just suffered.

the tuition kid in boon keng is extremely cute today.
K: Teacher, u know i got a gf in sch?
Me: Ohh? the Shermaine u told me abt?
K: No lar! she loves me but i dont love her, my gf is k. i got her no but i dont dare to call her. shy mah. *started laughing.
K: Teacher, do u have a bf?
Me: No.
K: Why?
Me: Well, i think becoz im too ugly?
K: Hmm, I think its because the man are all too ugly for u.
Me: (puzzled) aren't you a man?
K: Yes, but i'm a young man. A young man is cute, not ugly=D
Me: Oh well, cute k, continue your work.

I guess the kid didnt know how much i'm laughing deep down my heart. haha!

I think heaven is playing a joke, cause i received the acceptance letter from NTU sociology yesterday.
well, i'm still keen to study sociology but NTU is seriously too far!
i shall take some time to think abt it. hmm.
was baking with gwen yesterday, thats why im ultra slow at replying smses! psps
well, the banana cake sort of failed coz the banana wasnt ripe enough and the cake dont have banana taste. =(
egg tart was as usual but a bit sweet this time round, think i add too much sugar!
hmm, i guess i shld start thinking which shall be my next attempt.
i saw the adver at compass de icing room saying that they are hiring!
OMG, that is like my dream place to work in a bakery.
BUT BUT BUT, the pay is extremely low and i have to wear a 'overly cute' attire and this makes me wonder if i shld take on this job.
it's like the usual dilemma, money vs interest. lols!
i guess life always leaves us with this kind of situations isnt it?

Changed my blog song.
Listening to this song reminds me of the days i spent in OSLE.
days that i doubt i'll ever forget.
these are the ONLY wonderful memories that NYJC has given me...

I've learnt to accept life.
accept the way that it is now and how it will be in future.
sometimes it wld be hard to understand how GOD has plan our future, but still, i think i would gladly accept wad he has planned for me no matter what.=D
i thank GOD for giving me a chance to teach tuition,
to face kids with diff characters.
teaching them really gives me an eye opener.
though sometimes it really makes my blood boils,
but i feel happy when i see their results improving.
cause my efforts have not gone down the drain.
it seems almost common for ppl to ignore the positive attributes and magnify wadeva negative attributes that others have.
that's why the world is full of complains, full of ppl commenting on hw miserable their lives are, that's because they are nvr satisfied.
i saw the adver that a bakery shop is hiring in compass,
i sure hope that im able to work part time there so i can steal some skills! =D
but whether i get the job or nt, i leave it to fate.
GOD will decide for me.

OMG, im getting really confused.
stop telling me what is right and wad is gd for me.
i think i know how to judge things by now.
before i got the letter, the comment was can enter uni gd enuff le.
tell ur gt the letter alr, the comment change again.
" this course good meh" , " got future a not, why nt other course"
pls, nw the UNI's are choosing me, nt the other way round.
i realise that more ppl are reading my blog.
and it seems to be a bad thing, dunno why.
i wanted to private my blog, wanted to change url again but i thot hmm no point.
sometimes i juz duno hw to express myself, hw to say things out, thats why i blog.
pls do not destroy this little corner of mine.



i like to go to buru because i enjoy looking at the vast ocean.
i also enjoy the time that i spend down there, looking at how others can spend life peacefully because the ppl there do not have to live up to expectations.
sometimes being smart is difficult, cause there are a lot of expectations i have to live up to.
and many times, ppl dont believe wad i say.
it makes me so tired that i feel as though im being strangled.
if i wana talk i will, if not dont ask. i dont like being forced.

终于给我等到了，可是我却没有想象中高兴。。。
为什么？
是我已经不懂我想要走的路吗？
人就是什么事都会觉得烦。
决定了就不能后悔，我四年的人身，快不快乐就要看我选择。
突然间，我想起了我表弟最爱的一首歌。
“你快乐吗？我很快乐。”
我到底快乐吗？
收到信时，我想告诉他们但我没有那么做。
因为有些朋友还在等待消息，我了解那种心情，所以我选择不说。
我真的想要进SMU吗？

It's all over! no more uni interviews i guess.
If you ask if i think i did well, i would say i doubt so.
Prof: Hmm, FASS is ur second choice while biz is ur first choice. So if i accept you, but biz sch also gives u a chance to enter that means u will join them then why do u think i need to give u a chance to enter our course when it is not really wad u are interested in?

If you were me, how wld u ans it? they say their sch give ppl equal opportunities and equal chance independent of our results. Is that true?
I really dont know and i cannt judge.
what i learn frm these profs is that during this 4 years, u have to do wad u like.
dont think abt the future yet, because not many ppl will continue and make use of wad they learn in uni so u must choose sth that u like so u can enjoy and score well in the four years.
well i agree with that, and they both think that i can take social work as my major since they can see that im passionate in it.
I wouldn't deny that I am really passionate in it, but will my family support me?
in this world where money speaks louder than anything else to my mother.
if i tell her, im gg to spend 30k in uni to study abt social work, will she kill me?
well, i dont know. Leave everything to GOD first then.
if i cant even get into that sch, wads the point of thinking nw huh?

I'm glad that my EGG TARTS are yummy! I'm gg to explore more recipes on my free days. yea~!

I'm feeling a twig of excitment, but i dare not hope for much.
because i know i shld not have any high hopes yet.
the higher the hope, the bigger the disappointment isn't it?
i guess by teaching tuition GOD is trying to hint that hey, teaching is definitely NOT the future for me.
to be frank, i feel sad whenever my tuition kids say they hate me.
but what can i do?
i am jus trying to help them, jus that they dont realise it.
reading torey hayden's book called 'the silent boy', i aspire to be a teacher like her.
someone who is able to shower ppl with lots of love.
have the never say die spirit and perservere to teach.
am i able to be like her or shld i jus let go of this tuition case?

Since im so free today i shall post abt the wonderful sat i had last wk.
i will name that day, the PRATA day.
that was the day whereby i only ate prata, for the entire day.
went to my grandma hse to stay on fri night or rather sat morning.
since i only reach there at 12 plus. haha!
chatted and played songs until like 3am before we all fell aslp.
woke up at ten, cab to giant to buy ingredients for cheesecake after breakfast at the market.
the first prata was bought by my cousin's bf. haha.
i ate like 3 1/2 pratas for my lunch. lols.
baked the cheesecake but it appears that too much cream cheese was added. haha!
went to give tuition at 4.30pm. the tuition kid was surprisingly obedient that day.
guess there is always an angel and devil inside everyone.
and that day his angel appeared for once. haha.
then went to sing k at tio heng. first time i went to k with my cousins and her bf.
it was awesome! the place is so high tech lor.
touch screen de monitor leh. haha
then my cousin said that she is meeting her friends for supper.
and guess wad? they are going to eat prata!
so i went and had another 3 pieces when it was alr 1230am. lols!
her friend still say that to burn out the fats, i'll need to run 1.2km for per piece of prata that i ate! lols!
think im goin to stop eating prata for quite some time. haha!

shld i feel happy or shld i feel sad.
happy cos now even nus call me to go for an interview.
sad cause they are all only interviews, i do not know if i really got in or not.
since no letters arrived and im starting to get tired of waiting.
but atill it is a hope. so i still believe that there is a miracle.
i started to learn parking today.
oh man, it is seriously very difficult.
coz i sucked at estimation.
though it is hard, i still hope i wld be able to pass my practical test with jus one try! i wana amaze my parents! =D
my schedule recently is in a mess! argh.
it is time to get an organiser alr. hias.

Darkness. thats wad i am seeing.
a bleak future ahead.
think i got to think of plans if i really didnt get into any uni.
dont think im losing hope.
i'm still holding on to wadeva little hope that i might have.
i dunno wad to say abt the interview today.
fancy writing an essay after putting down the pen for 4 mths coming 5.
the interview looks more like a chat with the prof.
but when he told me they are only accepting half the intake than they did last yr,
hopes crashed.
60 candidates out of 1000. what are my chances of getting in?
slim i might say, but im still hoping.
awaiting for GOD to ans my prayer and for miracle to appear.
the other miracle wld be to pass my driving test.
my test is in another 2 mths, yet i only had 8 lessons so far.
the instructor is startin on his drama again.
think i had enough of the story. lols!
he made me lose my concentration today and i gave him a near accident.
THAT woke him up and stopped all that ghostly nonsense.
well, im glad he stopped but that is not the best method to stop it.
talk abt risking my life in it. lols!
i'm still holding on to hope... ...

Another glimpse of hope.
I'm praying that i will nt lose that hope.
GOD, pls let the letters come quick.
if not, i might die of anxiety.
I might seem to be paranoid now.
but this IS normal.
cause the a4 size letter is going to determine my FUTURE.
i'm not kidding you but this is the importance of tt letter.
GOOOSSSHHH, why am i living in such a pragmatic society?

Jealousy, it can kill.
looking at posts on fb for ppl who publish that they have received several letters from uni, i'm filled with envy.
there is nth i could do, but to congratulate my friends.
they have done well, and they deserved to be praised.
thats me, on the outside.
deep inside i'm worried...
i feel like publishing when is it my turn to get the letter.
but i wont do this. i know i won't.
cause the comment i get would be the same.
the same one as wad i use to comfort friends with similar results as i had.
oh come on, when can this whole uni thing end?

问世间情为何物？
看见身边的人，一个个为爱受伤，我开始怀疑，爱，到底能带给人欢乐，还是悲伤？
爱，是一个简单却很难理解的一个字。
我渴望找到爱我的人，渴望有个美好的人身，这难道不是每个人的梦想吗？
遇到了挫折，我想要爬起来， 想要重新过一个新的人身，为何我还是回到了原点？
没有工作，没有梦想， 没有目标的人身。
是我太笨了，把世界想得太好，太完美。
我真得很想出国，希望回到泰国做义工，和那些小孩子过着没有烦恼日子。
看见世界的变化，我开始感到我活地很累，很没有意义。
我不说话是因为我真的累了。
也许没有人知道，我常常用睡觉来逃避。
因为在睡梦中，我就不需要面对这个世界。
我看似比别人坚强，可是我也是个普通人，我也一样喜欢被人关心，被人疼爱。
我拼命的在找工，不是因为我爱钱，而是因为我想要让工作来麻崔自己。
我感觉不到别人对我的关心与疼爱。
我只是感到寂寞与孤单。
口头上的问候与关心只是短站的。
我不要朋友和家人因为我说的这番话感到伤心，失望。
我只想要大家给我一点时间来了解我自己，让我好好的去想我的未来该怎么走。
也希望多一点人能够了解我。我喜欢吃什么，喜欢做什么，伤心事会做什么，身为我身边的好朋友，好家人，你们知道吗？

I'm a GLUTTON today.
went to ubi driving centre intendin to get a practical test date, but sadly the counter closed at 12... ...=(
took bus down to orchard to meet xt's clique and as usual i was the first to reach.
went to eat at asian kitchen.
it felt as though we were a family of 4 eating together. haha!
the food there was nice but there is a price to pay...
sitting beside jel i got the usual kick and poke when someone mentions sth she is excited abt. haha.
walked ard and i waited for yt to reach.
started to tour orchard as usual combing for bags!
i start to feel that if someone blindfolds me in future, i will still be able to rmb wher the shops in far east are. haha!
walked ard and chat.
eating with yt was the best part.
coz the dinner was cheap and super filling!
ate omelette noodle, meatballs, chicken sticks and cakes!
now i feel so fat. argh. shall do some exercises.

Maybe i'm startin to know more abt myself.
that i'm really not a person who can spend time alone.
cause when i'm alone i'll feel sad.
but when i'm with ppl i can be very cheerful.
though i'll feel broke after i meet up with others.
but i think the money spent is worth it.
cause u might nvr know when we might neet and talk again.
always cherish wadeva u have before u lose it. friendship is one of them.

Fear.
i'm feeling nervous now. dunno wad shld i expect.
tmr morning is the interview which will determine my future.
i hope that i would be able to do well so i would have no regrets.
tmr i would have my ftt too. i'm afraid if i might fail.
i think i have alr lost my confidence.
i also lost my judgement of things.
maybe these are all GOD's plan.
i just have to accept it.
hopefully everything will turn up well.
life is full of uncertainties.
without stepping out, you will never knw hw vast is the world.
without failing, you wld not have success.
without a fall, you will not learn hw to grow.
i've experienced all sorts of things this year.
seen through life, friendship and kinship.
My life is no longer like the story in fairy tales where all things end with a happy ending as reality is cruel.
If things could go back, there are many things that i would like to change.
Many, many things... ...

Yet another day passed.
it seems as though i saw a glimmer of hope when i received the call frm SMU to go down for an interview.
I was elated, yet at the same time afraid.
fear is constantly gripping me.
the fear that i may screw up the interview.
the fear that i may not end up in any uni.
it seems as though im a fool.
my mind is too simplistic for this world.
nothing can be definite.
since i always place high expectations and high trust, but ended up getting hurt.
i thought my career path has been settled.
but nw i think im in a worse position becoz im stuck.
the admin job is jus like another uss job.
wher i may nt even work once a wk but still have to reserve my time for it.
why is my luck so bad at jobs? why cant the jobs that i find be as gd as those that my friends have been working.
maybe its too late for regrets.
the world will still continue to move each day,
i have to move on too... ...

I had a GREAT time celebrating edel's bdae ytd! =D
it has been long since the jc clique met up and chit chat...
well, we say we wld plan for a meeting once a mth but if it wld succeed im nt sure.
i think the super cold cup of giantic milk tea aggravated my cough.
thats why i cough so much until i lost my voice this morning.
i got a shock myself coz i was still half aslp.
and when i was tryin to ans my mum's qn i realised no sound came out!
the first thought was SHIT!
and thanks to this, i have to cancel two tuition and skip my korean class today.
cause i dont wana spread my virus ard...

my driving instructor is seriously scaring me.
he kept talking abt hw he has seen the 'unseen' people in his army days 29 yrs ago.
and that he nearly commit suicide and went to IMH!
initially i wasnt afraid.
but today he hold on to my hand while i was driving and ask i shld forget abt this case isn't it. I shldn't be scared of it anymore.
worse was i duno who he called but he certainly sounded like he was crying while talking abt this incident to the person.
Eww. so scary. I'm alr a slow learner when it comes to driving.
If he continues to scare me, i doubt i can learn well huh? haha

DECISIONS.
i guess im turning more insipid as i grow older.
i'm starting to lack the ability to make the right decisions.
can't choose the right job that can help me earn money.
can't choose the right person to be my friends.
can't talk to my parents abt my working life since it is in a mess.
can't get used to driving despite pumping in 100 over dollars alr.
hias. my life has been stuck in this pit for rather long.
when will it rise up to the peak again?

during service ytd, kelvin told us that we shld thank GOD.
because we are lucky.
we do not need to worry abt food.
we do not need to worry abt looking for a shelter.
we do not need to worry abt natural disaster.
we do not need to worry abt the lack of receiving education.(i might start to worry abt this now)
I thank GOD for all these things but i'm also praying that HE will guide my way and get me out of this pit real soon...

ahh. i hate to fall sick.
why did GOD allow viruses to attack our immune system! =(
i hate the feeling of being weak.
GOD, pls make me well soon!
sore throat, fever and running nose faster go away!
when someone is sick they will yearn for concern.
cos that is the period of time that u will be most vulnerable.
but have i received any concern? i dunno.

GOD pls guide my way.
Is it under ur plan that im like an odd job runner now?
diff job, diff pay diff kind of stress im facing.
but most of the time im still slackin at hm!
and i dont see income coming in...why?
hmm. i dunno. lols.

DECISIONS.
did i make the wrong decision?
sometimes i feel that life is like a joke.
when i was searching for a job, there isn't any.
when i make a decision, other better opportunities starts to knock on my door.
they make my heart waver, thinking abt the wad if.
how gd wld it be if we could turn back in time.
if we really could, i will stop it in 2006 or 2009.
despite the tough time i had struggling for exams,
these are the best years of my life.
wher i have nth to worry abt apart frm achieving the perfect score.
it's such an irony.
when i'm studying, i yearn to work.
i wld admire the ppl who are working and earning money.
now when i'm working, i admire those who study.
cause they do not have to worry abt anything apart frm results.
they do not worry abt their income.
they have friends beside them in clsrm to share their woes.
how i miss those days. . .

My fav shakesphere's quote is
"Life is like a stage, where all men n women are merely actors"
our life is just like a never ending drama.
constantly filled with happiness, anger, agony, temptations, desire, hatred n love.
i do not only want to be the actor, but i yearn to be the scriptwriter.
but GOD is the only scriptwriter of this whole drama.
i just want to see how my story wld end... ...

It has been a week since i have posted a new post.
A week can be considered long or it can be considered short.
finished watching GOS and it seriously make me feel like studying.
it makes me feel how not motivated i was when im studyin for A levels.
Many things happen after A levels.
i might have blamed GOD in the first place.
but i have to admit, it was after A level that i managed to interact with the world.
i seemed to be living in my own world for the previous 19 years.
there is no right or wrong in the world.
there is no peace or perfection that we are aiming for.
the world is a chaotic place. a place where it makes it hard for kind souls to exist.
A place where there is often denial, a lack of security.
A place that makes u start to feel as though no one truely understands u.
you might want others to care for you, but to some u are neglecting them.
we choose our lives, the path we want to take, but are we able to take up the challenges that faces us ahead?

SORRY.

This is one of the best word invented i guess.
the use of this word is so magnificant that ppl have to forgive you no matter wad.
my tution kid likes to scold me and say sorry after i refuse to help him with his hw.
the person who bought clothes frm my blog like to mia during meetup and say sorry the next day.
learning frm GOD, i have to forgive them.
just like how GOD forgive me whenever i say sorry after i sin isn't it?
the world likes to play with words now.
as the freedom of speech is getting more and more liberal in the society.
the way ppl speak changes.
is this some sort of evolution of speech? ... ...

i'm amazed by kids these day.
vulgarities seem to be as common as drinking water.
they scold without even knowing the meaning.
and u wld be amazed, when words like this come out frm their mouths.
shldn't someone at that age be demure and innocent?
the world has changed i supposed.
ppl no longer are as innocent as they are.
hmm, i duno hw to educate them also. lols.


i'm watchin a show called pasta now.
not eating pasta ok, its a korean show.
i realise that all the korean gals wld choose the ppl who are most cruel and bad to them in the beginning.
isn't this funny? haha.
why wouldnt u choose someone who treats u well to be ur future partner?
maybe this is also a part of human nature.
that we like torture in a sense. haha.

this is my 100th post. lols!
went for interview today with elaine.
though we both gt the job but she rejected it.
so i intro wenyi inside then. haha.
well, went to give tuition.
the kid was funny. coz he keep saying timetable is hard to rmb.
he requested for games so i taught him hangman.
he said he never play this game before!
i didnt knw there can be age gap huh? haha
went home to have dinner.
its been long since i stayed at home for dinner.
watched pasta until her called me out.
she is funny though. ask me out and celebrated a super belated bdae for me with a cupcake! haha
i really appreciate it though. ><
i'm startin to feel tat my old life is coming back! =)

2/4/10...
i really had a GREAT TIME shopping on that day.
a BIG THANK YOU to JELENA=)
i think it was all under GOD's plan.
that we were able to end work early and go shopping.
though i think i spend a lot...
on clothes and pedicure, i had great fun!
it was an awesome day and i thank god for it=)

It has been nice to be able to meet up with friends for small talks.
I realised that after JC, there has been lots of changes.
some of you might have noticed it, while some have not.
be it friends or not, i realised that this has no longer place any difference.
we can still be considered friends, even if we meet up for less than 10 times a yr.
I like it when u treat me as a friend and tell me everything.
how u feel etc.
but i hope that there isn't any ulterior motive behind it.
i believe you dont so dont lose my trust.
you can talk abt ur work, i dont mind.
i realise that many things in life has alr lost their meaning.

anw, today is GOOD FRIDAY.
the day that jesus died for us in a cross.
so we shld repent since he alr washed away our sins for us.
and thank HIM for wadeva we are given.

The power of speech.
I guess i realised how lethal speech can be.
because if u happen to say something wrong, it might cause a huge trouble.
i'm gladful that it has all come to an end.
though my name has not been cleared.
but i cant change how others think,
and im too lazy to argue with them anymore.
so simply forget it.
as GOD teach us, FORGIVE AND FORGET.
i'm training to do so now. lols.
went out with my clsmates to celebrate both mine and elaine's bdae.
its been long since we met up.
after A level results are released i guess? haha.
well, it has been nice.
jiayan said that i emo-ed a lot.
maybe...cause i was too free huh?
so i start to think a lot.
and because of all the things that happened in the mth of mar.
i started to change my perception of life.
be it good or bad, life still goes on...

The mth of mar finally ended.
this is seriously a terrible month.
a lot of things happened. seriously A LOT!
starting from receiving of my terrible results.
then to disappointment after all those uni open houses.
following it is the scoldings frm work.
misunderstandings frm parents.
then more disappointment frm friends who forgot abt my bdae.
and that i didnt celebrate my bday on the actual day.
i spend the whole day rather alone.
then came the nic n yp scolding thing.
the stupid shit that the tution kid is giving me.
the inability to find a better paid job.

if there is a bottomless pit in human life, i think i hit it alr.
i hope there isnt more of such things.
if not i might not be able to take it.
this one month passed real slowly.
and i thought a lot, saw a lot, understood a lot abt this world.
i dont wish to care abt anything anymore.
im seriously tired and i dont wish to continue.
looking at how smoothly other ppl's life is i wld start to feel demoralised.
looking at more ppl gettin the uni acceptance letter or calls for interview,
the more i fear that there is nowhere i can go.
GOD, pls guide me through.

i've lost the ability to trust.
lost the ablility to differentiate wad is right and wad is wrong.
lost my mood to do things.
lost my reputation thanks to some 'ANGEL'.
if this is a test that GOD is putting me through,
i can only say satan is gg to win soon.
coz i cant sit down there and treat it as though nth has happened.
coz that means i m indirectly admitting that im at fault.
i didnt even say i dun wana meet up and they can spread until MAD is a coward.
so if i dont stand up for myself now, things would be worse huh?
i am going to find out the root to all these things.
and to clarify my name.

i typed a super long post, but i deleted it.
i've decided not to be so bad to scold others in my blog.
coz that will only show how immature i am.
but wad i can say is stop all these nonsense!
and stop throwing the face of women! grow up!
i seriously cannt understand hw things can turn out this way.
but i just cant sit there and allow others to malign me for sth that i did not do.
coz if i ignore, they will continue to think that they are right.

went to kbox with bx today.
luckily the singing helped to cool me down.
then ate dinner and pooled till 11.
ok, my skill still sucks. lols.
i realise the buru trip left me with a dozen of mosquito bites!!!
my friends are starting to get calls to go down to uni for interview.
i haven receive the call.
starting to get worried now.
hope GOD will bless me...

i'm starting to get tired...
really tired of living in this world, this society.
everything is my fault.
i'm just a childish person who like to screw things up,
like to see others misfortune and laugh abt it.
im the most evil person, the worst friend.
so thats what others think of me.
i'm just a piece of rubbish, wasting oxygen in the air.
maybe i shld jus leave the world and join GOD soon.
dont force me to a corner.

HAPPY 19th bday! lols.
im 19 and a day old now. Zzz.
cant imagine that i will be 20 nxt yr! =(
well, thanks to all my friends for the bdae well wishes!=)
and thanks for the presents, time spent together.
i didnt really celebrated my bdae today. lols
well, i think that my parents think that im working real hard coz i need money.
thats why i gt a super big red packet this year frm my dad. haha.
but i work to lower their burden n to gain exp. haha.
went to my grandma hse as usual to eat the mee sua neng.
my grandma and my aunt insist tt i need to have it on every bdae. lols.
played with my 5 yr old cousin and she even wrote me a card.
went to work and i nearly got lost without jel guidin me.
thank gdness there are ppl for me to follow ard. haha!
the captain today was really very irritating. lols!
after work, went to mac to have supper with jel, gz and his friend.
cab back and here i am writing my post as a 19 yr old girl.
well, nobody can see that im 19! hehe

Supposedly i shld be happy since my bdae is coming...
but i got totally pissed by my manager ytd and i seriously think i shld quit.
was having second thoughts abt quitting since im starting to know the ppl there.
and the other manager was nice to me.
but ytd manager seriously pissed me off!
and this morning, my mood got affected by a stupid bastard.
you wana find me and talk to me, come lor!
i welcome you to come and get scolded by me like hell!
i juz cannt imagine why my friend still wana talk to him.
humans are seriously weird.
their thinking are so hard to understand.
and through work i alr see a lot of 2 faced person ard.
it starts to make me feel sick and tired of this society.
and the uni admission thing makes me think that education is bias.
they set standards so high that makes it hard for ppl like us to reach.
leaving us totally hopeless because of a piece of stupid paper.
all in all, life sucks!

This post is specially dedicated to my friends.

Thanks for celebrating my bdae for me.
Thanks for the wonderful gifts.
Thanks for making the effort to plan all these.
I really appreciated everything.

I enjoyed chatting with xiao tong's clique on fri.
gossipin and scolding ppl.
I enjoyed today coz i gt to meet my friends.
and i really appreciate wad ur write in tt book.
for the encouragement and well wishes.
i nearly cried while reading it.

I didnt sms your to say thank you because words cant express my feelings.
and i knw some of u are stalkers of my blog.
so i believe u will understand my heartfelt thanks after reading this post.

well, 4 days since i have last posted a post?
why? MAD is too busy working!
i work for 4 days in a row!
the slc camp was a bit not as nice as expected.
but as long as the motive has been achieved, its worth it.
i thot i would slp while doin my job today,
but i was totally energetic! ><
i think i have gotten used to my current cart.
since the ppl there are all very nice><
and thats because the stupid bias on probation store manager wasnt the one who planned the schedule=)
made friends this wk and i enjoyed my work.
despite all the tired moments tt i had.
and the fireworks at uss today was awesome!
i had a fantastic day! =)
but still, im still thinkin when shld i throw the white paper to quit the job...

FACES.
Diff ppl have diff kinds of faces or rather,
they put on a different set of mask when they are in diff places.
this, is wad i observed at work today.
maybe this is the reason apart from the poor management tt motivates me to quit.
well, i admit that i have a diff kind of face too,
one that i used to face my colleagues.
wad u wld see is the super quiet and emo mad. lols
coz i dont feel like taling to them.
and there isnt a need to talk to them.
but i seriously think that some people are just too overboard.
how can u manage to badmouth a person in front of the person's friend?
this is ridiculous.

I had an job offer today.
perfect location but a nt so perfect timing,
if i accept it, i have to forgo my tuition which i do not wish to.
coz i wld feel a sense of irresponsibility.
so wad shld i do?

'Be happy, young man, while you are young, and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth. Follow the ways of your heart and whatever your eyes see, but know that for all these things GOD will bring you to judgement' Ecclesiastes 11:9


This is the bible verse that i learn from my church lesson today.
I must stay happy, because i'm still young. ><
went to uni open houses ytd.
well, i think nus is definitely NOT the sch for me.
anw with my grades i cant enter much courses there too!
well i'm nw stuck btw biological sciences and sociology.
my interest says it dosen't wana study sci.
but my mind says in arts, you might die. coz im nt really good in writing essays.
well, wad shall i choose?

TRUST.
who are the ppl that u wld trust?
how much is trust worth?
well, it all depends on the individual.
To me, the basic criteria for being a friend is that u need to trust the person.
not only with words, but its from ur heart.
it seems funny, as ppl aged, they start to trust ppl less often.
rmb when we were young, i wonder if i shld classify tt as gullible or we trust ppl too easily.
we believe every single thing tt adults say, and the promises tt they make.
as i grow older, i start to learn abt promises which are meant to be broken.
and also how ppl start to get suspicious of one another.
is this a general trend or does it happen only ard me?
i believe that if u still treat tt person as a friend,
trust him/her. believe them for every word that they say.
that, it trust.
if u start to qn their words, then the trust is lost.
with the foundation collapsing, this friendship wont be able to last.
becoz wads holding it, is only resposibility.
that u think u need to do this, not becoz ur heart ask u to do this.
i believe in my friends, so i trust wadeva they say.
and i'm glad tt my friend did not lose my trust in her by going home.
through these mths, i realised that as one grow,
you will start to see more things tt u didnt see previously
and know more abt hw the society works,
it might be gd it might be bad,
but it all depends on the individual.
my advice for the day, TRUST YOUR FRIEND.

10-3-10.
Mad is trying her very best to return to her old self.
well, i might not be as talkative as i am in the past.
not as bubbly as i used to be but yea im starting to get over the A level facts.
oh well, went to search for caiyi's present today.
we toured almost the whole of orchard and my legs nearly break!
i knw my friends are trying to avoid talking abt certain issues or topics.
hopefully things can get better as time goes on. =)
and my tuition kid totally asked for a beating today.
he actually scolded me the f word that i detest the most!
thank goodness i controlled my temper.
if not god knows wad i might do to him?
thinking tt he is young n ignorant, i shld forgive him.
hias, nw i need to think, shld i change my job?

I guess my previous post triggered a lot of reponses from my friend.
lols. it seems like everyone isnt saying anything.
yet, you are all stalking my blog huh?
stop saying sorry. cause by sayin sorry u make me feel bad.
it sounds as though i was forcing ur to say sorry.
and i knw ur did care.
juz tt u didnt knw hw to express it.
so after tt post everyone know how to express their care and concern alr.
i dunno if i did a wise choice by writing tt post.
but all i know is this stupid piece of A lvl cert is not going to destroy the friendship tt i had with my friends.
no matter what, life still goes on.
and i cant blame any of u for all these.
i was the one who was stupid and the one who caused all these.
if i did well for A levels, all these wouldn't be happening isn't it?
but i dont blame anyone, not even GOD.
coz i knw he has a purpose for doin this.
maybe he is trying to let me put myself in the shoes of those friends who didnt do well, so i could console them and encourage them.
though i knw hw to help others, i dunno hw to help myself.
such an irony huh? haha. well, mad will pull through it. no worries.

FRIENDS.
I'm starting to lose the meaning of this word and the word friendship.
heard from my cousin tt his friend said it was difficult to be his friend.
because my cousin didnt show him any concern, so they arent friends anymore.
come to think of it.
if i'm like his friend, then i wont have any friends anymore.
after i gt back my a lvl results, some friends didnt even bother to talk to me.
some ask for my results and didnt say anything.
some console me, but tts only for tt few moment and after tt, nth else.
so did i receive a lot of care n concern from them? maybe, maybe not.
if you think tt by not talking to me or leaving me alone it wld be better.
let me tell u this, you are only sending me a signal tt my results are driving our friendships apart.
and how strong can friendship be?
last time i used to think tt it can be described by using ionic bond.
now? friendship seems to be just a thin piece of paper.
it can be torn, smeared anytime.
i knw some of my friends are planning for my bdae.
but wad is the use of planning it when i dont even have the mood to celebrate it?
even if u buy me abalone, i wld not be happy.
wad i need is simply some care and concern.
knowing my character, i dont like to say things out.
so if u wana know, you have to ask.
come to think of it, i used to go out with my friends so often.
but after A lvls, not anymore.
why do ppl always wait for me to ask them out or talk to them
why not the other way round. do i always have to be the one asking?

Its been 2 days since i got back my results...
am i feeling better? yes.
have i gotten over it? no.
unfortubately, no, no, no!
i tried my best to forget, and realise its hard.
once i'm alone, i'll start to think...
wad wld happen in future? which course can i go? wad if the uni would nt accept me?
and the lousy results tt i get for A's.
how impossible it is that my best subjects failed me.
then tears wld start to stream down my cheeks.
failure is sth tt i still cannt accept.
i realise it is better for me to go out.
cause when im outside talking to others, i wont think tt much.
went to smu open hse with amanda. it was funny.
coz i went to listen to the talk for my dream course knowing very well tt i cannt get in.
i dont even dare to put it in my first choice coz im afraid if i do, i might even lose my spot in another course tt i think is a dumping ground.

went to church today, when my friends asked abt my results, the ans was bad.
and they say sure can get into the uni course u wan right? i said no.
biz so hard to get in meh? was their reply.
yes, need at least AABB. and their reply was didnt u even get tt?
no. no. no!!!!!!!
and i felt like crying again, but im better at controlling my emotions now.
my cousin said tt im those person who belong to affirmative words.
i like ppl to say things tt i like and i treat wadeva they say very importantly.
so when i gt bacck my results, i immediately thought of wad caiyi said.
score badly and go poly with her. and now, i fulfilled half of her wish. lols.
and before gg knew my results, she said, i wont talk to dumb ppl.
and before she sms me to say she was jk after knwing my results, i alr took it seriously.
yes i am dumb, im stupid. thats maybe why i joined jc huh?
im just a stupid gal. so stay away frm me in case the disease of being stupid might spread... ...

why cant ppl stop asking abt my results.
why cant ppl stop comparing results.
yea, all my friends did better than me! satisfied?!!
i passed A lvls, so wad?
i cried, not becoz i did well, but on the contuary, my results sucks.
to my family members who know nth abt A lvl.
passing is good for them, but definitely not for me.
coz the results are a huge blow to me.
i expect more frm my h2.
and looking at hw well my other friends did, i dont feel like talkin anymore.
and when anyone ask abt my results, i juz feel like crying again.
19 years of my life, the 1st time i cried for a result.
guess i scare some of my friends huh?
haha. but i realise the true friends are still the sec sch friends.
but still, i didnt say much coz i kept thinking tt im fine, im fine.
to be frank, im still not fine...

The cheerful mad is dead today...

COUNTING DOWN TO THE RELEASE OF RESULTS IN LESS THAN 24 HOURS...
tick tock tick tock...
i wonder if im able to slp well tonight?
and i kept thinking about the day when i got my o lvl results.
will i be able to be tt happy tmr when i get back a lvl result?
well, i wasnt worrying abt it.
until ppl ard kept asking me how do i feel.
and the numerous i think i cannt make it de sayings frm my friends.
even my mum asked how i feel today!!!
oh well, wad im most afraid of is not facing the future.
but rather facing the expectations of loved ones.
like my family members, cousins and friends.
everyone proclaims tt i can do well, so i hope i can.
they have been giving me hope. so i do not wish to disppoint anyone.
including myself.
it seems as though tmr is a big day. but it wld only be just another day.
coz no matter wad results i get, life still goes on.


had my first driving lesson today.
i got this feeling. i know why ppl say ladies cant drive.
coz i doubt i can drive well, so many things to rmb!
shld have taken auto instead! lols!
well well, i need to pass my driving. i have to.
coz my parents expect me to pass. and i nvr failed their expectations b4.
so i will strive to succeed no matter wad! ><

today is wed. which means 2 more days to doomsday. lols!
went to caiyi hse to play mahjong today.
supposed to meet gwen for lunch, but she told me she was too full,
so i ate with caiyi instead.
and caiyi taught me hw to play texas poker and another game which i forgt the name! haha. stm lar. getting old le. =(
played and i lose quite a lot of money.
still got bao by hui. lols.
but i rather lose in mahjong than to get lousy results.
so i rather use my luck on fri nt today. haha!
chiong to teach tuition.
i actually taught for 2 and a half hr today!
exceeded an hr to teach him how to complete his hw!
argh. seriously if the kid was my son,
i'll slap him and ask him to use his brain! lols.
maybe this is why they say guys dont think in pri sch. haha!

today is a very eventful day.
went out early in the morning to swim with gg.
thought she couldnt wake up but she did.
haha. so yea, finally met up with her.
went to the swimming pool at sk. my 1st time there!><
the place was rather nice. haha><
chiong to meet hui after i lunch-ed with her at macs.
went to watch 72 tenants of prosperity.
there were a LOT of hk actors in tt show! lols.
before tt went to archade lar.
and hui is the first partner tt i got who can get into the final stage of basketball with me! lols.><
walked ard, chit chat then home swt home.
saw this bag tt looks cute, saw a hoodie tee too. haha
but shall wait for my sister. she will be my atm for the mth! ><
ohh and i heard that i finally gt my RWS de pay for jan n feb.
though it is pathetic, but still, better than nth! haha.
played mj @ viwawa with hui/ning, kl n cy until 2am. lols.

writing this post, i started to rmb wad hui told me.
tt she hated my post abt the mixer,
coz she wanted to buy me one for my bdae.
and nw she got to rethink of gifts.haha
and if u are intending to bring me for a swim, yea i alr been there><
ms keep asking me to go out on sat. lols
bur mad is not gg anw if results are below expectation.
wads my expectation huh? AAAB B?
sounds impossible, but tt was my aim since i entered jc.
though i didnt manage to achieve any of them for 2 years. lols.

i spent the whole morning editting my blogshop!!!
hope it looks better now. and there are more stuff there><
hope i can get more orders. haha.
it has been confirmed that fri is the BIG day.

5 Mar 10 2:30pm

its either i survive or i'll die on tt day. lols.
sounds serious ehh?
so far i haven heard anyone who have been saying that they can do well.
but its impossible tt we all didnt do well isnt it? lols
and im sure some friends (esp ams) will come and ask me for my results.
oh well, if my results are great, i wouldn't mind sharing the joy.
but if my results are below expectation, ill just leave the sch.
and head to the archade or to some place where i can be alone.
to sit there crying out my woes or to vent my anger.
because i know tt the world is unfair.
thats why i knw that there might be friends who wld do better than me even if they didnt put as much effort as i did in studying.
and to be frank, i didnt give my 100% effort.
so i dont know wad to expect on this fri. wadeva the results, its all GOD's will.

days since i updated.
mad has been busy going out lately. haha
went out with colleagues to watch movie at amk hub on fri.
applied for my pdl also. driving lesson will start soon! ><
went out with aman to attend the ntu talk @ suntec on sat.
went to suki sushi at PP to celebrate my mum's lunar bdae on sat night.
and i met geraldine and her sisters there. haha.
went to church, both grandma hse today.
then went out with my cousins to shop giant and ikea.
dont ask me why they like to hang out ard these places.
but i guess age plays a fairly impt role! ><
i said i wanted to buy a mixer to use for baking.
then i decided not to since i wanted to request it as a bdae present frm my dad.
but my cousin & auntie got it for me!
so touched>< haha.
ohh not to forget tt i have been playing mahjong recently.
played at tk hse on fri.
i actually brought bx there to play with us.
didnt expect her to agree to come but since she dosent mind, its ok lar. haha!
played with hx, his gf and wt today at grandma hse.
nt as exciting since we are only playin with fake chips.
but yea, it really helps to kill time! ><
well, i really hope A lvl result will be good.
so i wld have the mood to celebrate my bdae!=D

Expectations...
this word might sound scary, might sound common.
wadeva it is, i dunno if this word will exist in my dictionary this and nxt wk.
many of my friends feel this way too.
i wana expect good results
but at the same time, i might also have to learn to accept failure.
hias, wadeva the results are. its predestined.
i always believe that everything tt happens, happen for a resaon.
and these...are simply part of GOD's plan.
so learning to accept and understand it is my job.

speaking abt job. i guess i lost hope in my current job.
so now, mad is on the way to look for better opportunities!
when i started tuition, i thot GOD, why give me such a student?
i'm going to die teaching him.
but he has his nice side too, just like how he says sorry mad. haha.
even my student calls me mad. Zzz. cant be helped. lols.
GOD, pls guide me to find a better job ok?
and let me knw hw to quit the current one which i see no future in waiting.

another slacking day! ><
was totally pissed ytd.
manager called me to work on thur n fri.
i alr got plans but still, thanks to my mum, i said i can work
smsed friends saying im not free
and guess wad.
the next moment the manager called to say work cancelled! wth?!?
and i have to sms again saying things go back to original as planned.lols
good thing is i juz changed to unlimited sms=)
cheers!!! haha.
going down for a telemarketing part time interview on fri.
if it works and the event coordinator job i emailed works too,
cum the tuition, i'll just quit my current job.
who cares abt the cert now when im wasting my time.
watching at money getting out of my pocket.
do u realise how much money i could have earned by now if im working?
LOLS! ppl. pls ask me out before release of a lvl results.><
if not i might juz emo at hm during the whole of mar. lols!

hmm. i guess im so free everyday to jus blog. haha!
thanks to my stupid job><
well, but im gladly to it in a way tt i can relax.
can slp till anytime tt i want.
can slim down by staying at hm since there isnt food. lols!
but. staying at home = 0 income. -.-
going to astons to celebrate my mum's bdae.
my family is gg down to dhoby ghaut! so surprising!
coz my dad avoids city areas since it is diff to park his car.
and he is goin to change his hp today.
using MY plan! =(
argh. blame myself for losing tt nokia hp tt i signed with his contract.
my current hp is ok
but it would be better if the cover didnt drop~...
i guess this is purely human nature huh?
to always ask for more. thats y we can nvr be satisfied.

looking at other ppl's blog it makes me wonder...
my blog is so boring huh? haha
it has like no content?
but why do ppl post so many comments and views on their blog?
wld it change anything after they post it?
i doubt so. so to me there isnt a point.
yea. i shall stick to my style of writing. haha!
argh. A lvl results are coming out!
deep in my heart, i cant wait.
i wna know my results asap to plan my future.
but on the other hand, i hope it will nvr be out.
coz im afraid and i fear failure.
if i didnt do well, will i hide myself frm my friends?
maybe i will, naybe i wont. i dont know
i cant predict my results can i?

OH man. i'm into songs now><
esp korean love songs.
finished autumn concerto. nice ep this wk!
and its going to end real soon.
finished k.0 3anguo also. nice twist n ep!
but its going to end too.
hmm...which show shld i watch? argh. i duno. hias.
i guess im going to apply for PDL soon.
which means driving lessons are gna start real soon!!!
scared? excited? i dunno.
talking abt love songs, i rmb the sunday sch lesson ytd.
also talking abt love.
mei li lao shi say we shld pray for our lovers.
and tt GOD wants us to have a partner.
but i guess i might have to let GOD down somehow?
wen yi agreed with me abt this too! lols.
i believe we can be happy without partners too. cant we?
this wk im not intending to work. planned activities for the whole wk alr! ><
and my friends who were supposed to work gt their work cancelled.
due to unforeseen circumstances huh? LOLS!
juz admit the poor management part lar. LOLS!
ohh not to forget.
HAPPY B"DAY MAMA! ><
though we dont celebrate her bdae but tts wad she wants. haha.
my mum hates bdae. and i guess i know why.
thinking abt me turning 20, i dont wish to celebrate my bdae alr.
not to mention it when my mum is alr starting with 40+. haha!
argh. mad has to admit. i hate to grow old><

it's just another day, i supposed? haha
went to work ytd...o.O?
coz my manager called me at 12 to ask if i can work from 3 onwards.
since i was bored, i agreed.
and i think he got to think tt im his dog ehh?
he called again today asking me to go.
but i said cant, i got church.
im not 24hr on standby waiting for u ok?!?
lols. but work was ok ytd.
though i grp with the super irritating vulgar guy,
he didnt mention any vulgar words.
and was rather nice. i think becoz its night time
ppl are friendly n nice when they dont have to wake up early ehh? hehe
admire bx,eve and gwen tt they can work for 4 days this wk.
life is unfair isnt it?
those who wana work cant get work, the rest got filled with work.
hias. who cares anyway? ><
anyway, i guess a lot of ppl are trying to say im not ugly ehh?
did i mention i was ugly? i mentioned maybe.
haha. so take away the ugly, i shall say MAD is average looking kay? =)
seriously bored at hm.
thinking of taking korean classes and driving asap! ><

yes! mad finished her drama! and now she is bored. lols
ohh. there is this song tt i really like in this drama!
it's called without a word.
shall change it to my blog song><
below is the lyrics.
well, i didnt translate myself so i duno hw accurate the translation is. =D

Without a word
I shldn't have done that
I should have just ignored it
I shld have pretended not to know, like i couldnt see it
I nvr should have looked for you in the first place
I shld have ran away
I shld have pretended not to listen
Like i didnt hear it, like i couldnt hear it
I shldnt have listened to ur love at all

Chorus
Without a word, you let me know what love is
Without a word, you gave me your love
You made me hold my breath,
but you ran away like this
without a word, love leaves me
without a word, love tossed me away
thinking of wad to say nxt,
my lips were surprised on their own,
it came without a word.

Why does it hurt so much?
why does it hurt continuously?
Except for the fact that i cant see you anymore
and that you're not here anymore
otherwise, it'll be the same as before

Without a word, tears start falling down
without a word, my heart is broken in pieces
without a word, i waited for love
without a word, i'm hurting because of u
i've become invisible
i became a fool, cause i cry just by looking at the sky
without a word, i was hurt by goodbye
without a word, the end comes towards me
my heart was surprised
to send you away unexpectedly
it came without a word

without a word, love appears
without a word, love disappears
like a fever from before maybe all i have to do,
is hurt for a while,
because in the end, scars are only left behind
<3<3<3

Oh my oh my...
MAD is insane alr.
im staying put in front of the computer for the whole day watching kdrama!
you're beautiful is such an awesone show~! ><
<3<3<3
super humourous and funny! muhahaha!
so i guess another day is gg to pass like this.
jiayou for those in poly! study hard kae? ><

It's just another cny...
I guess as we grow older, it becomes more boring during cny.
why? because the adults start to ask a lot of qn tt we dont like to ans.
so many ppl were asking me abt my A lvl result.
hello. its not even out yet!?!
then they will ask which uni i wana go to...
well, i cant decide until my results are out.
worst still, i might nt be able to get into uni! =(
do i have a bf?
well, i guess they are anxious but to their disappointment, i only have gf=)
maybe im too fierce or too ugly for guys. haha.
i dont usually agree with my mum but i agreed with wad she said ytd.
she said that new year is the period of time where we see who has the best acting skills. lols.
going ard door to door saying "HAPPY CNY!" when we dont really mean it.
The true purpose of CNY seems to be lost, isnt it???

Mad is SUPER irritated today! argh!!!
notice that i BOLD the word SUPER.
wad if i add on to say that i guess im quitting my job soon?
i guess ur shld knw why im angry huh?

early in the morning, i got paired up with a guy to operate the carts.
how wld u feel if u were me?
hearing someone scolding the f word as though it was a greeting...
i heard like 20 times of f word in just 10 mins? lols
i hate it when ppl use that word. lols
is that word so nice to use? dont they knw something abt respect?

thats not all, i guess i cant interact with their attitude coz of diff characters.
the best part was, almost all the managers or so called head was...
i've never met superiors that i am soooooo pissed and irritated with.
their way of working is seriously so... ...argh.
the working environment might be nice, despite the hot sun.
some of the ppl there are ok.
but the system there is truely...
i wana find a job tt will maximise my time to earn $.
nt a job tt wld stay at hm to wait for calls to start work for like only 2 days a wk? LOLS.

Its just ANOTHER day. lols.
woke up in the morning like 3am? haha
coz the weather is simply TOO HOT! lols.
and i had a hard time forcing myself to get back to slp.
Zzz. uploaded photos for blogshop.
did some adver. browse the internet and here i am.
nothing to do. lols
i wonder if my partner is advertising the bs too?
waiting for my sis to end sch then go shop shop.
i think my job is in a mess lar! Zzz...
at this rate, i cant earn enuff $$$ to support myself, let alone for driving.
see how it goes bah. i might juz get a new job after release of A lvl results.
going to work tmr. hope its gna be fun><

another day without work...
woke up super early today! 6.30AM!=O
brought aman to work, since fate has it that she has taken over my prev position at SLA. haha!
the agent did called me to ask if i wana work there, but i rejected it.
and....aman got the job! haha.
kindof miss the ppl and environment there actually.
no hot sun. nice people and $$$ to earn.
not like now. either slack at hm or go out...
no $$$$ earn still have to spend $$$ instead. argh!
bx is the only one in the clique who is working.
and she says they are gg to fire some ppl coz they uploaded photos onto fb!
...*Oh Oh!~* pray hard its nt me. haha.

bought lotsa make-up ytd, spent like 75 bucks? haha
thanks to my cousin.
who keep saying tt a 19 yr old girl MUST knw hw to make-up.
Zzzz. why must life be so difficult for girls.
we alr gt moodswing and week of torture that comes every mth.
still have to restrict diet to keep figure.
now still have to do some "editing" on our face.
lols. why do we have so many things to do?!?
maybe the divide btw males and females are not fair at all! ><

another day without work...
actually its good, to stay at hm and RELAX.
but my mum juz wants me to work, work and work.
so she nag and nag and nag.
under this kind of torture, i cant wait for rws to call me down for work.
best if it is 5-6days a wk. lols!

was finding ppl to go out with me ytd.
thot i wld be shopping alone but thank goodness wynee was free=D
but shopping with wynee is like...a challenge? haha
cannot buy white, black and grey clothes! oh man.
thats like, the colours tt dominate my wardrobe? ><
and she asked me to try flora clothes with her.
i did try one. but....erm. too girly for me lar. haha!
but wynee is lucky. she will be the one and only to see me wearing flora.
then we talked, chatted and walked.
bought a blue dress and a top for cny.
wanted to get a biker's jacket but i thought...forget it.
i wont get the chance to wear it often. lols.
saw this super chio wallet at bhg...
guess the price... ... its $119!
oh man. i guess my taste is getting 'better'><

well, some thoughts triggered my mind before i met wynee.
i dunno if i shld feel glad or disappointed with my friend.
duno if she thinks im gullible or something.
but to be frank, i arent gullible.
im juz soft-hearted. i might look strong, but im not.
i might look smart, but im not.
there are times that i will feel scared, lonely and miserable.
but im lucky to be able to hide it well.
im gd at hiding my emotions.
i really dunno wad can i do to help but i cant bear to see my friend going deeper into this kind of thing.
many friends ask me to stay away from such things and leave tt friend.
coz someone who pulled u into this isnt going to be a gd friend.
but my heart says no. i shld help.
but GOD, tell me how can i help?...

Argh...why do i have such a poor health?
lols. after the big ulcers, running nose n sore throat makes me feel worse.
thank goodness i dont really have to work these few days!
oh well, if my ulcer fails to get smaller after drinking all those super bitter herbal tea and applying those powder and cream, i guess im goin to slim down soon.
coz i start to eat lesser each day becoz of the tremendous pain in my mouth.
been spending these few days uploading photos in my blogshop.
so many photos... i upload until i sort of gave up.
haha. lazy mad. lols
oh yeah. the good news is I PASS MY BTT! ><
nth to be proud of actually, coz a lot of my friends alr passed it.
haha. well well, i have to wait for bx before i can start to learn practical><
hmm... i went to tour my workplace with my friends on tues and we took a couple of photos.
i doubt i can post it here so if u wana take a look, pls go facebook bah.
my friend shld upload it pretty soon=D

DECISIONS.

sometimes, GOD simply makes it too tough for u to make a decision.
and Life, would always play a prank on me.
it was supposed to be a happy day at the 0820 bbq, but my mood gt ruined.
maybe i think too much. but i feel that my old friend is gone.
and nw, im stuck in a super bad position.
i really wanna help but i dunno hw to help.
sometimes it's just too difficult to say no.
coz i dunno hw to reject my friends.
but when it comes to money related, a huge sum...
i guess the selfish me has decided to protect my money.
my cousins told me not to bother abt this kind of friend.
but i know i shld do sth to help and not leave her alone.
this is nt the kind of path that ppl in our age shld take.
and i hope that she will understand tt we are doing this all for her own good.
and not to stop her frm achieving success...
GOD, pls guide me and let me knw what i can do.

argh. i got this super big ulcer that is super annoying.
super pain and it kills my appetite.
and i feel that im falling sick soon, thanks to those sleepless night.

another day passed and im completing my training in 2 more days!><
went to my workplace to shop and tour today but i had a bad day.
nt because of the trip but becoz of the ppl.
wallets gt taken by others i was alr so pissed.
still have to look at my friend's pissed face and they kept asking me hw the person looks like.
sounds as though im wrong and i led them to all this shit.
i might be at fault, but they shld have noticed the person too.
ard 10 ppl standing there and im the only one who noticed her?!? lols
wads worse was when i hurried them to pay up, they took their time.
i didnt blame them coz i know you need to think b4 u buy stuff.
but wad i didnt like was the fact that i got fined. thanks to them.
i wasnt even in the fault,
i was just trying to be a nice friend.
and i expected a sorry but i only got the ohh....
going to work and going back home seems to be a lonely trip for me.
when i see them talking in pairs, i seem to be the one walking alone.
if i interrupt them i will feel bad.
so i chose to be alone. maybe this is a better option.
maybe they didnt notice that i felt lonely. but i really do.
i hope things wld be better when the actual job starts. hopefully...