DECISIONS.

sometimes, GOD simply makes it too tough for u to make a decision.
and Life, would always play a prank on me.
it was supposed to be a happy day at the 0820 bbq, but my mood gt ruined.
maybe i think too much. but i feel that my old friend is gone.
and nw, im stuck in a super bad position.
i really wanna help but i dunno hw to help.
sometimes it's just too difficult to say no.
coz i dunno hw to reject my friends.
but when it comes to money related, a huge sum...
i guess the selfish me has decided to protect my money.
my cousins told me not to bother abt this kind of friend.
but i know i shld do sth to help and not leave her alone.
this is nt the kind of path that ppl in our age shld take.
and i hope that she will understand tt we are doing this all for her own good.
and not to stop her frm achieving success...
GOD, pls guide me and let me knw what i can do.

argh. i got this super big ulcer that is super annoying.
super pain and it kills my appetite.
and i feel that im falling sick soon, thanks to those sleepless night.

another day passed and im completing my training in 2 more days!><
went to my workplace to shop and tour today but i had a bad day.
nt because of the trip but becoz of the ppl.
wallets gt taken by others i was alr so pissed.
still have to look at my friend's pissed face and they kept asking me hw the person looks like.
sounds as though im wrong and i led them to all this shit.
i might be at fault, but they shld have noticed the person too.
ard 10 ppl standing there and im the only one who noticed her?!? lols
wads worse was when i hurried them to pay up, they took their time.
i didnt blame them coz i know you need to think b4 u buy stuff.
but wad i didnt like was the fact that i got fined. thanks to them.
i wasnt even in the fault,
i was just trying to be a nice friend.
and i expected a sorry but i only got the ohh....
going to work and going back home seems to be a lonely trip for me.
when i see them talking in pairs, i seem to be the one walking alone.
if i interrupt them i will feel bad.
so i chose to be alone. maybe this is a better option.
maybe they didnt notice that i felt lonely. but i really do.
i hope things wld be better when the actual job starts. hopefully...

if i were to post this in the afternoon,
it wld all be filled with my pleasant trip in buru...
what i saw and the lovely kids i taught.
buru is indeed a perfect getaway from the hectic spore life.
but certain things happened and they began to upset my mood.
i feel so.....lonely and sad.
got complains frm my mum for gg to buru, coz she dont like me to get involved in church stuff.
and i got a chance to know that i need to start paying my own phone bills when i start uni...
sch fees, learning fees for driving lesson, allowance and now hp bills!
all money money money!!! =(
then the stupid irritating cousin said tt i look like a mushroom with my new hairstyle and hw i wasted my $.
her stupid galfriend tried to psycho my mum to get me in accountancy by boasting hw gd my life would be if i end up like her. wth? she sucked.
i dont usually say tt so u can sense my anger with her.
and my 2nd aunt complaining that i ate with bites that are too small (why does it even bother her?) making the food look so nt nice and that my dressing today makes me look old, as though i was 29.

complains, complains, complains...
argh! get a life! its my life! why do ur complain when i didnt even complain myself!
so tired after a day with so many irritating incidents and another cousin asked me to hlp her complete her poly work?!?
why cant i even get a chance to rest,
have a day of peace with complains and scoldings?
am i that bad?

i wanted to feel hw fortunate i was after the buru trip,
wanted to treasure things ard me.
but often, these images wld disappear and i wld think tt im in a way suffering too.
suffering by being suffocated by my own feelings.
i dont like to say it out coz i dont like to trouble ppl,
and i dont like ppl to offer their ears after i start to complain.
if they really care, i dont have to say out everything.
but no smses. no one to talk to. thats my boring life...

Ohh...Mad is soooooooo tired this wk.
i can close my eyes like wherever i go! lols.
ohh. and for those who saw me this wk, i guess they all gt a shock!
coz i got myself a very erm unexpected transformation!
lols. u will get to know it if u are meeting me soon.
haha. i wonder if my friends wld start to miss me? =D
and sth terrible happened!
my hp cover broke!!! =(
now my hp is super ugly now. =(((
nvm. shall use it until my contract ends at least the hp can still be used.
lols.

last but nt least,

HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY JIAYAN! ><

I FINALLY ENDED MY TEMP ADMIN JOB~!
haha. it sounds as though i just ended a torturous job...
but nah! Wad i dont like is the job scope.
coz my boss and colleagues are very nice people! ><
my boss even gave me a treat to thank me for help.
She is quite a nice boss. often chit chat with me and she taught me a lot.
haha. come to think of it, i guess GOD likes to put me ard women.
from the airport job to this admin job,
all my bosses have been a femaale! and the bosses just got better and better.
haha. wads more, my colleagues are all female too!
there are definitely guys working for the airport job last time,
but i always got females to acc me for my shift.
haha! maybe i'm stuck with women for life!
i still remember when i was in sec 1, LWK wanted girls to sit with guys.
in the end, everyone got placed beside a guy, except for me who was sitting with abigail. ><

the sentosa job is gg to start soon...real soon.
i am feeling excited as well as a bit nervous.
hope i can make friends in there. since all 3 jobs, i didnt make any friends.
haha,maybe i juz dont like to talk! lols
hoping to get my working schedule real soon so i knw if i should open up a blogshop or shld i take up tuition instead.
my sister says im abit crazy, coz my parents can still afford to take care of me
but i dont wana depend on them.
hard to admit, but im 19 this year...NINETEEN!
so old alr. lols. so shld learn to be independent.
and stupid BUS FARE IS SOOOOOOO EX!!!!
of coz the allowance that my dad gave me isn't enough lar.
lols! planning outing for sec clique, bbq for 0820 and maybe another farewell dinner for osle before the guys get enlisted...
there is still a 2 hum gathering! wonder if i shld plan it coz dunno when the poly ppl are havin hols and if they are free since some are havin attachment soon.
See first yea? GOD will lead the way! ><

Well Well... i learned sth impt from my church today...
not from the pastor, but its through my church friend.
i got to know that my church friend, joshua's family was faced with a test that GOD has given them.
his father, got a stroke last night, and has alr burst 3 blood vessels in the brain.
the chances of survival are slim...really slim.
and if he manage to survive, he can only be a vegetable for life.
... ... ...

maybe this serve as a reminder for a lot of us.
never to take things, friends and family members for granted.
we never know when GOD will put us through the test...
but one thing for sure, GOD will bring them through this trial.
GOD... I know you know what has happened, and all these are part of your plan.
I hope that you can hear our prayer and no matter what the result might be,
look after joshua's family and guide them through this test.

it suddenly dawned upon me that, hey...life is so fragile.
we will never know what will happen to us.
treasure everything that we have.
we might have complains and are always unsatisfied with things that we have.
actually, it all depends on how we look at the things.
through a different angle, you might feel that, hey...actually things are not that bad yea? =D
this incident has brought me to realise the importance of tresuring your loved ones.
coz if u dont learn to treasure them now, you might not have the chance to do it if something happens to them and that, will turn out to be the greatest regret of ur life. learn to love the ppl ard you... ...

a week has passed...
i've been settling down at SLA but i still feel a bit bad being an audit there.
maybe this kindof job dosen't suit me at all! haha.
coz sitting in office all day arent my style.
and i feel bad being a liar.
went to watch sherlock holmes with jc peeps ytd.
it was nice! haha. too bad jas fell aslp.
but cannt blame her lar. coz we were watching midnight shows.
and i finally got the chance to touch pool again!
though my skills are super lousy, can say i'm a noob lar.
but at least i bring laughter to ppl right?
haha! and i was so high duing pool ytd><
and both of us were working during the day. which makes us all super tired.
cab home. the taxi driver was very nice><
he was chatting with me on the way home.
charged me a cheaper fee by not counting in the few cents.
and even offered to see me walk to the life before he drove off coz he saw drunkards lying around my house de void deck! =D
haha. so good right? lols.
but i only had like 5 hr of slp. hias.

HAPPY 2010 PEOPLE! ><

maybe i'm thinking too much but my first day in 2010 didnt go well...
i missed the countdown coz i was havin such a bad stomachache that i fell aslp rather early that night...
the first person that i saw when i woke up is a bunch of foreign workers re-painting at my house.
so i practically spent the day shifting, packing and throwing stuff.
not to forget the part whereby i got nagged by my mum for being too lazy.
alright. i admit that im lazy. so what?
who aren't lazy? at least i still packed the room right???

and i think as my sis grows up, she just loves to provoke me.
she has been so calculative!
fancy settling old scores with me, saying that i treat her like a yati.
i might have asked her to run a lot of errands but i also treat her well ok?
if she mentioned that there are things that she wants, i will try to get it for her.
well, if u simply mention these stuff once in a while, i wld juz keep quiet n forget abt it, or simply laugh it through...
but too much of mentioning simply pisses me off!
if i nag at u asking u to study, its for ur own gd.
if charging my hp or pouring water is a too difficult task for u to hlp, then tell me nicely. Is there a need to talk so loud n bring out the past saying that i always make u do these things?
i prefer ppl to talk to me nicely. if u make me angry, my anger will cease after i fall aslp but if u wana bring up the whole matter again, i guess you are simply itching for a fight!


maybe im too stubborn, too lazy, too fierce.
maybe like my mum has said, i treat friends better than how i treat my family members...
but tt dosent mean tt i take my nice family for granted!
i might have complained a lot but i know how good my family is.
though dad normally kept quiet or use me as a free secretary, if i mention anything tt i like, he will try to buy one for me.
mum always nag at me...but which mum dosent nag? in the end she will still care for me just that her mouth is always so sacastic abt my results.
sis is like a mute at hm. she dont speak up but i act like her 'mouth' that voice up her opinions n requests. but she always help me ard.
my lovely cousins are nice to me>< though we all have our character n normally i have to give in to them, but i know how good they are to me.
both grandma dote on me coz i knw hw to communicate with them.
my aunties n uncles love me becoz if my younger cousin needs hlp, i'll try to help.
and to them, i'm a god-sent perfect daughter who is gd in studies and everything...
even though i dont say it out loud, i do love my family!
typing this pg out seriously made me reflect n think of the love that i have received so far, n i thank GOD for everything! ><

Ps. this might be a draggy post but its the only post tt made me feel like crying while i am typing...